


Of Sounds and Shadows

by SongsofPsyche



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anger, Angst, Deaf Character, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Legolas is a friend, Mirkwood, Prison, Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-26
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-09 13:51:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 22,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/774938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongsofPsyche/pseuds/SongsofPsyche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An injury causes Kili to loose his hearing in the Goblin Tunnels. As the quest goes on, he struggles to hide his secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For current updates, general musings and such, please follow me on tumblr and on twitter!
> 
> My tumblr is SongsofPsyche13
> 
> and my Twitter is SongsofPsyche
> 
> No 13 on the twitter!
> 
> -SongsofPsyche

Legolas peered through the bars at the dwarf laying in the cell, head facing the wall, hands chained to the floor with strong manacles. This one was odd, different from the rest and it wasn't just his fine features and dark hair that made him stand out in Legolas’s mind. Out of all the dwarves, this one had remained the most quiet during the interrogations. The others, especially the blonde one, made no attempt to hide their distrust of the elves, or their disgust at being held as prisoners. This one had stared at them with a blank expression on his face, ignoring the jeer snibs and the questions thrown at him. It was like they were speaking a foreign language to him, and he didnt understand. It was his silence that had infuriated Thrandual to no end, and the dwarf had paid for it dearly. Legolas could see the bloody bandages on the dwarfs fingers from where the guards had pried off his fingernails, trying to force him to speak. But he wouldn't utter a sound. It was like he didn't understand what was going on. This is what confused Legolas, for they had spoken perfect westron to him, and to all the others and they all understood what was going on. Maybe this one didn't speak westron? Maybe only Khuzdule, like the older dwarf with the axe in his head. But even he seemed lucid enough to mutter dark insults.

 

Legolas rapped his knuckles on the cell door. “Dwarf!” he commanded harshly. The dwarf didn't move, from his position on the floor. Legolas sighed, and then knocked harder. “Dwarf! I have come to tend to you hands.” he said loudly, in perfect westron. Still nothing. 

 

It wasn't until Legolas lit a lantern, and it illuminated his shadow against the wall of the cell did the dwarf react. He jumped up in surprise at the shadow on the wall, and whipped his head around just long enough to Legolas, and then he scuttled backwards as far as the chains around his wrists would let him, quivering in fear.

 

“It’s alright. I will not hurt you.” Legolas reassured him, but the dwarf paid no attention to his words. He just yank harder on the chains and huddled into a smaller ball, eyes cast down away from the elf. Legolas took his keys and opened the cell door, bringing the lantern and basket of bandages with him. “I have come to tend to your hands.” Legolas told him again, this time speaking louder than necessary. Still nothing. Legolas cautiously approached the dwarf, staying far back enough to avoid injury to himself. The chains weren't that long. Again, it was the shadow cast by the lantern that caught the dwarf’s eye, and he once again startled in surprise at seeing Legolas so close to him. Legolas sat down beside the dwarf, and held out the basket of bandages for him to see. 

 

“For your hands.” he told him, the dwarf only stared at him, eyes wide and confused.

 

“Can you not understand me?” Legolas asked softly, the dwarf did nothing. Legolas though his behavior was rather odd, but at least he wasn't fighting tooth and claw, like the blonde one did when Legolas tried to tend to his broken nose.

 

Legolas started to reach for the dwarf’s hand, but the dwarf jerked backwards against the wall, chains clinking loudly. Legolas sighed and scooted forward. 

 

“Im not going to hurt you. I am here to help you.” he told the dwarf slowly, pronouncing each syllable clearly. As if speaking louder and slower would help with the dwarf’s understanding of a language he obviously didn't know. The dwarf then did something very odd. He raised his hands as far as the manacles would let him, and moved his fingers in an odd gesture, wincing slightly as the bandages came loose on his fingers. Legolas stared at him. What was going on? The dwarf narrowed his eyes again and repeated the sign, and then jabbing a finger towards Legolas, who was beginning to feel confused. What was the dwarf doing now? Why wasn't he speaking? Legolas sighed, he had to get on with this. He still had four more dwarves to tend to, and none of them would be easy. He grabbed the dwarf’s wrist and pulled it to him. The dwarf resisted,  a look of panic on his face.  Legolas didn't say anything else, and stared to tend to the bloody fingers and wrist. The dwarf stopped struggling, probably realizing that Legolas was helping him.

 

A sound of thunder boomed down from above and Legolas jumped. _It must be storming outside._ He winced slightly as another boom came down, he had always hated storms like this. He then noticed something odd, even though the dwarf had reacted to his presence, and to the light of the lantern, he had not even twitched when the thunder sounded. Legolas looked up from bandaged the dwarf’s fingers, the dwarf was quiet, and besides the mutinous glare, he was still. _Maybe dwarves don't mind thunder storms as much as we elves do._

 

Legolas finished wrapping one had, and gestured for the next. The dwarf sighed, but handed him his other wrist without a fight. 

 

“You don't talk much, do you?” Legolas asked, but was met with a confused stare.

 

“You don't talk at all?”

 

A blank stare.

 

“Can you understand me?”

 

Still nothing.

 

_Wait a second._ Legolas then lifted his free hand, and snapped.

 

“Can you hear that?” he asked the dwarf, who remained silent.

 

Legolas snapped again, this time closer to the dwarf’s ear. No reaction at all.

 

“Can you hear at all?” Legolas then asked, and then suddenly it all clicked; the blank stares, the reacting only to shadows and light, the weird gesture he made with his hand. _Oh. He must be deaf!_ That’s why he hadn't said anything during the interrogations, the guards had had the dwarf’s hands bound behind him.

 

Legolas finished bandaging the dwarf’s other hand quickly, and the scooted backwards a little bit, bringing the lantern up closer so he could see the dwarf in the full light. Another boom of thunder racketed through the small dungeon.  Legolas then held up his hands, “You” he spoke, and pointed to the dwarf, “No” he shook his head, “hear?” pointing to his ears. The dwarf continued to glare, but then he nodded his head slightly, and looked down at his hands. _Oh._

 

It all made sense now, Legolas remembered back to the day before yesterday, when the dwarves had been led from Thrandual’s court to their individual prisons. The blonde one had made quite a fuss.

 

_“Wait! Wait! Stop! You don’t understand. We have to stay together!” the blonde shouted as the elves forced him and the small brown haired dwarf apart. The guards didn't listen as they separated the two. Legolas had been commandeering his own dwarf prisoner, one who  had a peculiar shaped hat and looked on the brink of fainting. Legolas had tried to be careful, there really was no reason to be rough with them. He couldn't help but watch the blonde as he struggled against the guards, trying to get to the smaller dwarf._

 

_“Somebody shut him up! He’ll disturb the entire fortress!” Another elf shouted angrily, and another fumbled with his belt to get a gag. It was then that the blonde had made eye contact with Legolas, “Please, please you have to understand. We need to be together, he’s de-mmmph.” the gag silenced his pleas and legolas sadly shook his head and watched as the blonde was paraded down one hallway, while the brown hair dwarf went in the opposite direction._

 

It was odd, that the dwarves wanted to stay together. He had always thought of them as a solitary race. But then, Legolas never really learned about them. His father had forbidden him to ask questions about the children of Aule. It was a shame, really.

 

Legolas stared at the small dwarf in front of him. Now the blonde pleas had made sense, maybe he knew a way to communicate with this one?

 

Legolas than stood up, taking the basket and lantern with him.

 

He had another cell to visit.

 

8888

 


	2. Fili

Fili scrunched his nose, trying to feel if it was broken. He glared up at the chains holding his hands above his head, like it was their fault that it had broken in the first place. _If you hadn't fought so hard, they probably wouldn't have fettered you up like this_ a voice that sounded like Balin berated him in his head. Fili sighed, the elves had no right to treat them like this, why wouldn't they just let them all go? His thoughts dashed to his brother, and he wondered how Kili was holding up, and prayed that the elves hadn't discovered his brother’s secret.

Fili had first begun to notice something was wrong with Kili after they had escaped Goblin town. Thorin would yell a command, and Kili would be a step behind, or Bofur would crack a joke, and it would take a few seconds too long for Kili to respond. Fili worried for his brother, Kili had always been somewhat of a chatter box and seeing him so quiet and spaced out was unnerving.  Fili didn't have the chance to speak privately with his brother until they were welcomed into Beorn’s House and given private bedrooms to sleep in.

 

_“Kili, I want to talk to you.” Fili knocked on the door, but there was no response._

 

_“Kili?” he asked again, knocking louder. Still nothing._

 

_“Im coming in now!” Fili half shouted, and then opened the door to find his brother sitting on the bed, engrossed in sharpening his knife with a whetting stone. Kili didn't look up, in fact, it was like he didn't even notice Fili was there, or that he had been pounding in the door._

 

_“Kili?” Fili asked again, nudging Kili’s bare feet with his boot. Kili jumped up, looking startled._

 

_“Hello brother, I didn't see you.” Kili had said, his voice horse._

 

_“Ive been pounding on the door for the last five minutes, didn't you hear me?” Fili asked, noticing how his brother’s forehead furrowed in confusion, and how his eyes never seemed to leave his lips._

 

_“What?” Kili asked_

 

_Fili sighed, and repeated himself, this time louder. And was slightly surprised when Kili’s eyes went wide in panic, and he shook his head._

 

_“I--I cant…” Kili muttered, dropping the sword with a clang and putting his face in his hands._

 

_Fili sat down next to his brother, and put his hand on his shoulder._

 

_“Can’t what? Whats wrong?” he asked, but Kili didn't respond._

 

_“Kili? Kili look at me.” Fili demanded, and when Kili didn't, he gently took his brother’s chin and turned his head up so their eyes met._

 

_“What’s wrong, brother? Please tell me. I know something isn't right. Ive been watching you, something is different. Please, please tell me.” Fili asked_

 

_Kili jerked his chin away, and looked down at his hands._

 

_“I can’t--haven't been--Ive been having trouble hearings things, ‘is all.” Kili muttered quietly, and Fili nodded. He had thought so, by the way Kili had been acting. He touched Kili’s shoulder, and waited until Kili looked at him to say, “ It’s going to be okay.” slowly, so Kili would understand._

 

_Kili shook his head. “No, no its not! No one can know. Fili, Im so scared, what if he finds out? I’ll be send home. I cant go now.” Kili whispered frantically, eyes darting back and forth between Fili’s._

 

_“When did this happen?” Fili asked, and he noticed how Kili squinted at his lips, trying to figure out what he was saying. It took him a couple minutes, but then he answered clearly._

 

_“Right after Goblin Town. One of ‘em got me in the back of the head with his club. At first it wasn't too bad, but it just got worse and worse. And now, there’s nothing.”_

 

_“We will work this out, don't worry.” Fili had reassured him, but he could tell by the blank stare that Kili hadn't understood him.  Fili sighed, Kili would have to learn how to read lips if he wanted to continue on this quest without his secret being revealed. A part of him urged him to tell someone else, Balin or Dwalin maybe but he knew Kili would never allow it._

 

_Fili then raised his hands, and signed in Iglishmek, “You okay” and added the sign for question mark. Kili  had smiled and signed back “yes.” And Fili felt a surge of hope. They would get through this._

 

Fili was jolted out of his memory by a harsh knock on the door. He looked up and saw a blonde elf peering at him through the bars. Immediately he felt the fury build in his chest. _What did the bloody elves want now?_

 

The elf’s keys jangled as he unlocked the cell and stepped in. Fili recognized this one, the blonde that had dragged Bofur away, the one that had watched him fight with a look of pity on his face. Fili glared as the elf sat down next to him, and removed the gag from his mouth.

 

“You are the brown haired one’s friend, are you not?” the elf asked

 

Fili said nothing, not yet anyway. The elf sighed.

 

“You know which one Im talking about. The one with the bow and arrow.”

 

Fili studied the elf’s face. This one seemed more sincere than the others, like he really wanted to help. Fili nodded his head, but didn't say anything.

 

“He didnt say a word, during the interrogations.” the elf continued, and Fili felt a rise of panic in his chest. They had questioned Kili? Already?  What did Kili do? He knew Kili could sometimes understand him, but only when he spoke slow enough for him to read his lips. Had he understood the fast pacing speech of the elves?

 

“None of us said anything.” Fili replied.

 

“He was different. It was like he didn't understand what we were saying. Tell me, does he not speak westron?” the elf asked, “Its unusual, for a dwarf that age to not know at least some.” he continued. Fili tried not to roll his eyes _elves and their ethnocentrism._ He pulled on the chains holding his wrists, adjusting them so now his left wrist bore the weight of the manacles. The elf’s eyes trailed up to his hands.

 

“Let’s make a deal, _dwarf._ You tell me about your little friend, and I will unlock those chains for you.”

 

Fili’s eyes flashed up to the elf’s face. _Was he serious?_

 

“If I tell you, will you take me to him?” he bargained. The elf hesitated for only a second, but then nodded. “Yes.”

 

Fili sighed as he watched the elf settle into a more comfortable position in front of him.

 

“What is your name, elf?” he asked. If was going to tell a story, he might as well know who he is talking to.

 

“Legolas. And you?”

 

“Fili.” 

 

“Alright Fili, please begin.”

 

Fili pulled at the chains absentmindedly, trying to decide where to start, and decided It was best just to tell the truth.

 

“His name is Kili, and he is my brother. Listen, _Legolas,_ Im not going to tell you why our company is here. Understand? Just about Kili.” he added

 

Legolas just nodded.

 

“My brother was in an accident on our journey, he cannot hear very well. We kept it a secret as best as we could from the company--”

 

“Why?” Legolas cut in. Fili shot him an annoyed look for intertupting.

 

“Kili did not want to be a burden.”

“Surely your companions would have helped.”

 

“We managed on our own.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“And now we are here, and I worry for him. He understands _iglishmek--”_

 

“What’s that?” Legolas asked

 

“ _Secret_ hand signals, none but a dwarf would know the signs.”

 

“And that’s why you fought to be together.” Legolas finished for him.

 

Fili nodded, “Yes.”

 

Legolas gave him a small smile, and then reached up, key in hand, to unlock the manacles.

 

“Come, let’s go see you brother.”

 

Fili smiled. Maybe elves werent all that bad.


	3. Kili

Kili watched as his breathe condensed into clouds before his face. It still surprised him to see and feel himself breathing, but not to hear anything at all. This total silence was 

new, before, if he strained hard enough, he could always hear something but now; nothing. He had first noticed something was off right after the eagles had dropped them by their nest, it was like someone had stuffed cotton balls in his ears. He had assumed it was the change in altitude, or the result of him banging his head in Goblin Town, and had pushed it back in his mind figuring it would go away in the morning. But it didn't. It got worse. It took them four days to reach Beorns, and through that time of travel his hearing had diminished to almost nothing. It hadn't faded all at once though, there were moments when it had almost been normal, but they never lasted long. It reminded him of a toy he used to play with when he was young (Bofur had called it a yóyo), one that would bounce up and down on a string;  sometimes his hearing would be good, and others he could barely hear a sounds.  This constant up and down  had made it impossible for him to tell if he was getting better or not. 

 

And now it was silent, like the yoyo being stuck on the down.  It was very unnerving for him to see other’s lips moving, but to not hear what they are saying. He had relied too heavily on the small amount of hearing he had left to help him understand, and now that it was gone he felt completely lost.

 

The Mirkwood spiders and the elves' harsh treatment didn't help much either. _These elves were very different from the Rivendale ones_ , Kili thought as he stared at his manacled and bandaged hands. He vaguely wondered if Thranduil knew what his guards where doing, he had gotten the idea that there wasn't much leadership in Mirkwood. He raised his good hand and snapped, watching as his fingers went through the motions, and still felt surprised when he didn't actually hear anything. 

 

The interrogations had been terrifying. Seeing the elves move around him in circles, lips moving too fast to be read. He had been too afraid to say anything, he didn't know if his voice sounded different, and he didn't want to risk them finding out his secret. 

 

The only person who knew was Fili, _and it’s going to stay that way._

 

A shadow cross over his legs and Kili felt himself twitch away from it. He closed his eyes and prayed that whomever was there would leave. _Another elf here to gawk at me? To make fun of me for being bound and helpless?_

 

He jumped when he felt a hand press against his knee. Slowly he opened his eyes, and felt relief flood through him as he saw the familiar form of his brother staring back at him. _Fili! I thought I lost you!_

 

Kili smiled and reached for his brother, grabbing Fili’s collar with his manacled hands and pressing his forehead against Fili’s cheek.  He felt Fili’s arms wrap around him and he knew that he was finally safe. _I was so scared, here by myself._

 

Fili was speaking, Kili could feel the vibrations from his brothers chest. Kili pulled back far enough so that he could see his brothers face, and squinted in the semi darkness, trying to understand what his brother was saying. _Kili---- -----, --- safe._ Kili felt the frustration build, why could he never understand? What made it so hard? All he wanted was to seek comfort in his brother’s words, but he couldn't. _I can’t hear anything at all._

 

Fili must have sensed his frustration, for he switched from speaking to iglishmek. His hands weren't bound, which made the signs easy for Kili to understand.

 

_Brother, everything is okay. I am here._

 

Kili nodded in response, eyes flitting between Fili’s hands and face. Fili gave him a small smile, and then turned to sit beside him next to the wall.  Fili’s gaze went past his, to something or someone. Kili turned to see where his brother was looking and froze; the elf was back. The same one who had figured out his secret. What was he doing here?

 

Fili was speaking again, Kili could feel it but he couldn't understand. The elf entered the cell, lips moving as he answered whatever Fili had said. The elf knelt down next to Kili, and he felt himself flinch slightly, but the elf only looked at him, and then held out a key. 

 

_For the ----------._ He said, Kili assumed he meant the key was for the chains but he wasnt sure. He looked at Fili for help. Fili spoke something to the else, and then turned to Kili and signed in iglishmek; _He will remove the bonds._

 

Kili nodded. _Finally!_

 

When the chains were off, he drew his wrists back, rubbing them where the cuffs had cut into his skin. Fili took his hands, looking over the bandages and cuts with a look of distain on his face. 

 

“I’m fine.”  Kili whispered softly. Fili’s eyes glanced up at his and he smiled sadly, but didnt say anything. Fili squeezed his hands, and said slowly, “ _I’m glad I found you, brother. We are going to be okay.”_ Kili smiled, he had actually understood that!

 

Kili saw a shadow move over his brother, and glanced up towards the elf, who had moved away from the brothers and was now standing awkwardly in the doorway. His lips moved, and then he felt Fili answer. He turned to his brother, looking for an explaination.

 

“-------- _is locking the door now. ------------- you.”_

 

_“What?”_ Kili’s look gave his confusion away.

 

_“I am staying here with you.”_ Fili tried again, this time slower.

 

Kili smiled and put his head on Fili’s shoulder. Fili squeezed his hand tighter, and then started speaking, or humming--Kili could tell which, but the solid vibrations in his brother’s chest was all he needed to find comfort in this cold, dark place.


	4. Chapter 4

888

Fili waited until the elf's footsteps had faded down the hallway, and then he turned to his brother. He examined the many bandages on his hands and wrists and huffed in disdain. Why would the elves do such a thing? Couldn't they see he was just scared? He reached to pull Kili's sleeves up, to see how far the damage extended but stopped when he felt his brother flinch at his touch. Was he injured?

"Let me see, Kili." he said softly, Kili looked up at him, his brown eyes huge in the faint light from the hallway, a look of confusion on his face. He shook his head and turned away. Fili felt a pang inside his chest, he hated seeing his brother like this. Fili reached out and lifted his brothers chin, held his hands up to sign in iglishmek.

"Everything will be fine, my brother. Let me see your arms."

Kili paused for a moments, and then lifted up his sleeves to reveal bandages that barely covered the red and puffy rope burns. Fili frowned, and then ripped the end of his shirt off to create new bandages. Once he was done wrapping, he grabbed his brother's hands and squeezed. Kili looked up at him and gave him a small smile. Then he shivered in the cold and drew his knees up to his chest. Fili carefully wrapped his arms around him, very glad that his brother was warm.

It was in this state that bilbo found them in that night, when he finally was able to grab the keys and help them escape. At first Fili didn't know why bilbo's voice was there but his body wasn't. It was fairly odd for him to see the keys hovering by themselves in front of the bars. Fili quickly stood up, making sure not to wake his sleeping brother and walked over to the locked door.

"Bilbo?" he asked

"Yes, Fili it's me. I'm here to rescue you. You're the first on my list, we must make haste! I have 12 other dwarves to rescue." Bilbo said is a hushed voice.

Fili nodded, "11. You have 11 dwarves, Kili is here with me."

"Oh thank goodness, I looked all over for him. Quick, quick, wake him up! We must hurry!"

Fili nodded again, "all right, one moment." he said, then he turned away and knelt down next to his brother. He tapped his arm, and then Kili work with a start, sitting up with fists flying.

"It's okay, it's only me." Fili said softly, grabbing his brother's hands and pulling them together, trying to get him to calm down enough to read his lips.

"Bilbo is here to rescue us. We have to go now." he said, slow enough so Kili could understand him. Kili sighed and blew some hair out of his face. He shook his head slightly, indicating that he had not understood.

"We have to go now." Fili repeated and then motioned his head towards the door, and the invisible Bilbo holding the keys. When Kili saw the floating keys, he jumped and then turned to stare at Fili.

Fili laughed a little, and then pulled his brother up to standing, keeping a firm hold on his hands. He squeezed them, and then pulled his brother into a hug. He pulled away and then signed;

"Bilbo is here, invisible. He is going to save us."

Kili still looked confused, but he nodded anyway and stood up straighter. Fili nodded to the shadow outside the bars. The keys jingled, and the door swung open. Kili tensed a little, and Fili could tell he was nervous about the doors opening on their own, so he asked;

"Bilbo, can you show yourself? Kili needs to see you."  
"Oh yes. I guess I can. But we need to hurry." Bilbo said, as he revealed himself. Fili felt his brother jump back, surprised.

"It's okay. Remember Bilbo has a magic ring? We're going to be fine, don't worry." Fili comforted him, even though he knew Kili had no idea what he was saying. Kili took a step forward and then looked up at his brother and gave him a wave. Let's go.

Fili kept a firm grip on his brother as they walked through the hallways, picking up dwarf after dwarf until finally they had 12 dwarves and one hobbit. Thorin acknowledged his nephews, and if he noticed the flinch from Kili he didn't say anything. They didn't have time for anything else. They followed Bilbo into the cellars, past the passed out elves and into room full of barrels.

"Everybody get in a barrel." Bilbo said, pointing. Immediately the company burst into complaints;

"What?"

"Are you mad?"

"You're supposed to be leading us out, not down!

"This is a trap!"

"EVERYBODY DO WHAT HE SAYS!" Thorin half whispered, half yelled. And immediately the company started crawling into the barrels. Fili started towards a barrel but then he realized that Kili wasn't following him. He looked behind him and saw Kili frozen to the spot, a look of terror on his face. Before he could go to him, Thorin reached for him with an outstretched hand.

"Come, nephew. Get in the barrels so we can leave this foul place." he said, trying to sound comforting but his toned was rushed. Kili stared at him with wide eyes, the face Fili now recognized, the one that meant he hadn't understood what was being said.

"Kili?" Thorin asked, Kili stepped away from his reach, shaking his head and looking up at Fili. Thorin followed his gaze and turned to his eldest nephew.

"What's wrong with him? Did they hurt him?" he asked

Fili shrugged, "Just bruised and battered, like the rest of it. Let me handle this, uncle. Kili always had had a fear of small spaces." he said, and even though Thorin's brow furrowed with worry, he turned away from Kili and crawled into his barrel.

Fili motioned for Kili to come, and Kili reluctantly did, eyeing the barrels with distrust. Fili crawled into one, and then motioned for Kili to crawl into the one next to him. Kili shook his head, eyes wide with fear. Fili sighed, and then signed;

"Get in the barrel. I'll be right here, I promise."

Finally Kili nodded, and he reluctantly crawled in. Fili gave a sigh of relief, and then braced himself for the worst.

The fall was just as bad as he expected. Fili felt half drowned as they drifted towards the elven gates. He spit out river water and tried to keep his head above the water. All of sudden he heard the elven horns play across the forest. The elves knew they had escaped! He poked his head out of his barrel but all he saw was white water and trees.

BANG! Fili jumped, what just happened? He looked down and saw a black arrow stuck to his barrel. Who was shooting at them? Then he heard it, the drawling sharp words of the black speech. The orc pack had found them, and the gates were closed. They were trapped! Suddenly he heard a strangled cry of pain, he looked up and saw his brother up ontop of the gates, an arrow sticking out of his leg. No! No, not Kili!

Fili reached for him, and Kili jumped back into his barrel with another cry of pain. The most noise he had made for the past few days. Fili huddled back down into his barrel and tried to keep conscious as the water tore him further and further away from his brother. It was all too much, his head was continuously banging against the sides of the barrel, and he was breathing more water than air. When was it going to stop? It had to stop, he could take it anymore! But just as he thought he couldn't take it anymore, it stopped. Someone was pulling him out, he heard the sharpness of his breathe, and felt fingers digging into his skin. He opened his eyes and saw the bleary image of Kili staring down at him. Fili smiled, and reached up to touch his face. Kili smiled back, and then helped Fili up to sitting.

"Are you all right?" Kili whispered softly, a bare whisper.

Fili nodded and smiled at him.

"Fili! Kili!" Fili turned and saw his uncle coming towards them. He felt Kili stiffen and he knew that his brother knew Thorin was coming. Thorin knelt down next to them.

"How are you fairing? We must make it to Laketown before nightfall."

"I am well, just waterlogged." Fili answered truthfully, then Thorin turned to Kili, waiting for an answer.

Kili just stared at him blankly, he looked to Fili for help.

"Are you well?" Fili asked him, making sure to speak slow enough for Kili to understand. Kili nodded, "I am fine, uncle." he said softly.

Thorin stared at him for a moment, and then exchanged a worried look with Fili.

"We do not want injuries to go unattended. Are you sure you are well?" Thorin asked again. Kili nodded, and Fili wasn't sure if he had actually understood or if he was just nodding because he didn't know what else to do.

Thorin nodded, "Alright." he put a gentle hand on Kili's back.

"We must keep going, but we will be able to rest in Laketown." He said, and then he stood up.

"Move out!" he shouted and walked away, leaving the brothers alone on the ground.

888

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the continued support, and for all the reviews! I am so humbled that you all love this story so much. I am so sorry I haven't been able to update it until now. A lot very exciting things have happened this past year! This summer I graduated from college, and did a lot of traveling. But the most exciting thing that happened was that I got engaged! So between celebrating with my fiance (I love saying that!) and planning the wedding (I'm so excited!), I have been quite busy. I love writing though, so I will try to keep the updates coming! Thank you again for sticking with me!


	5. Chapter 5

Bilbo followed behind Thorin as they made their way up to Laketown. He was exhausted, and cold, and he felt like he was coming down with the flu. He couldn't stop sneezing and shivering. He desperately hoped that Laketown would greet them with open arms. Bilbo looked back over the company and he was glad to see that he was not the only one who was suffering. Ori looked like he was sleepwalking, and poor Bofur was half carrying Bombur, who looked like he was able to pass out. His eyes drifted over to the youngest of the company, Kili, who was limping slightly and holding on to his brother for support. There was something odd about him, Bilbo thought. The way he had acted in the prison cells was very different from his normal behavior. Kili was forever getting himself into trouble, always with a twinkle in his eye and a grin on his face. Now he just looked scared, and hurt. Bilbo wondered what had happened. He knew the elves had not been kind to them, but he wondered if it went deeper than that. Kili always found comfort in his tales about hobbits and growing up in the shire, so Bilbo decided to lag back and help him along. Maybe a good story was all he needed to make it to a nice warm bed in Laketown?

Bilbo waited for them to approach and then he nodded hello.

"Everything going alright back here?" he asked kindly. Fili forced a smile and nodded.

"We are fine, do not worry about us, Master Baggins." he said

Bilbo nodded, "I think we are almost there, I can begin to see the outlines of Laketown." he said, pointing in front of them.

"Thank goodness. Kili has been wounded, he needs medical attention." Fili answered, readjusting Kili on his shoulder.

"What happened? Shouldn't we tell Thorin?" Bilbo asked, concerned.

"No, I wouldn't want to worry him. Like you said, we are almost there." Fili said and he forced another smile.

Bilbo then noticed that even though they had been speaking, Kili did not seem to notice that he was there. Maybe it was just exhaustion, but Bilbo feared that it was something else. Was Kili purposefully hiding from him? From the tone of Fili's voice, they obviously wanted him to leave them alone. So Bilbo stayed silent for the rest of their walk towards the town.

The master of Laketown was kind enough, if not a little sleazy. He offered the dwarves a large house at the end of the town, and ordered a feast to be prepared for them in the dining hall. The house was large enough so each dwarf could have their own room, but the dwarves preferred to camp out together in the large living room. Except for Fili and Kili, Bilbo noticed. They had ventured down the hallway into one of the larger rooms with double beds and a private bathroom.

Once again, Bilbo wondered if they chose their solitude because they were still recovering from their imprisonment, or if they were actually hiding something from the rest of the company. Suddenly a Tookish voice took over his in his head; you have a magic ring that makes you invisible, why don't you pop in and see what all this secrecy is about? Bilbo hesitated, but then curiosity took over. Feigning a few coughs and a yawn, he stumbled away from the company and down the hallway. Once he was in the shadows, he pulled on his ring and felt the world turn grey he tiptoed silently toward's the Durin brother's room. The door was cracked slightly, and Bilbo cautiously peered in;

Kili was propped up on the bed with pillows, and there was a ceramic bowl full of steaming water and rags. Fili was carefully tending to his brother's leg and speaking softly to him. Kili's face was scrunched in pain, but he didn't make a sound as Fili cleaned the arrow wound.

Bilbo sighed a little, at least FIli knew what he was doing. There must be a reason for their secrecy though. Wasn't Oin the group healer? Something was up, something felt wrong and Bilbo didn't know how to approach it. Finally Bilbo decided to just walk in and pray that the brothers trusted him enough to let him help. With a sigh, he took off the ring and then knocked gently on the door.

"Fili? Kili? Are you in there, it's me, Bilbo. May I come in?" he asked as he watched Fili jump slightly at the noise. Kili didn't react at all to it though. Bilbo thought this behavior was odd, but he didn't say anything, yet.

He watched as Fili put down the washcloth and then stand up, Kili watching him all the while. Fili approached the door with caution, and hesitated before asking;

"What do you want, Bilbo?" in a somewhat exasperated tone.

"I just stopped by to see if you two were okay, and to offer my assistance. You looked troubled in Mirkwood" Bilbo answered honestly. Fili sighed, and was silent for a few moments then he opened the door wider and beckoned Bilbo inside.

"You are not to say a word to anybody else, this is a matter between me and my brother." Fili warned him, giving him a stern Durin scowl.

Bilbo nodded, "I understand." he said. Fili seemed to relax a little, and he allowed Biblo to walk across the room to wear Kili was laying in the bed. Kili watched with wide eyes and a somewhat blank expression. He looked up at Fili, clearly waiting for an explanation, he flinched slightly when Bilbo touched his hand in a gesture of camaraderie and seemed to ignore his quietly whispered "Hello Kili."

Bilbo sighed, and then looked back up at Fili.

"Please, tell me what is ailing you and I will try to help." he asked again.

Fili nodded but seemed reluctant to say anything. Finally he sighed, "My brother had an accident in Mirkwood. His hearing has diminished some, but I'm doing the best I can. It's-it's hard though." he sighed again, and then sat down on the bed.

Bilbo stared at the two for a moment. Kili was deaf? That's what all this was about? It did make sense now that Bilbo had all the pieces. He also felt a bit of relief, this wasn't as bad as he thought it was. Well, it wasn't right that they were keeping this from their uncle, and that Fili was trying to heal Kili on his own. They needed help, but seemed to afraid to ask for it. Bilbo thought for a moment, and then an idea dawned on his. His great grandmother Took had gone deaf the last ten years of her life, it was a huge adjustment for the family, but they managed to get by and still understand each other.

After another moment Bilbo straightened his shoulders, "Well, that's not nearly as bad as I thought. I know a thing or two that might help, if you are willing to let me in on your secret." he finally said.

"Not as bad? Mr, Bilbo, a beg your pardon, but this is terrible. Kili's is a hunter, a warrior. How will he be able to to do any of that If he cannot hear? We need to be able to fix this, before my uncle finds out. He surely would not understand." Fili said, trying to keep his desperation to a minimum.

Bilbo sighed. Did Fili really have so little faith in his family?

"Fili. I know you are worried, but I think you should tell Thorin. Do not let this burden you. I'm sure Thorin will be able to find a solution. In the mean time, I know a thing or two. If you are willing to let me help." he said, with a prayer that Fili would finally let him in.

Fili paused for two long moments. He seemed to be really thinking things over.

"Alright. But you have to promise not to tell Thorin. When and if he should know, I will be the one to tell him." Fili finally said.  
Bilbo let out a breathe of relief, and felt a sudden rush of gratitude towards old Aunt Tookie, even though she had been quite crazy.

"I promise." he said, then he held out his hand. Fili hesitated-

"You have to trust me though, Fili."

Fili nodded, and then shook his hand. "Now tell me, Mr. Baggins. What do you know of the deaf?"

"My great Aunt Took was deaf the last few years of her life. It was an adjustment for all of us, but we figured it out in the end." Bilbo said

Fili nodded again.

"The most important thing is to not get frustrated. This goes for both of you, because in this cause speaking louder and slower will not work. We used pen and paper until we all knew how to sign. That was the easiest way to start." Bilbo said

Fili nodded, "We've been using iglishmek, the little that we know. It's helped a little, but Kili's training stopped when Thorin decided that he would train to be a hunstman, not a miner."

"Iglishmek?" Bilbo asked

"Dwarvish hand signs. Mostly used in the caves when it's too loud to speak." Fili answered.

"Then you'll have to learn. In the mean time, you both understand Westron, right?"

Fili nodded again, but was interrupted by a wave from Kili, who Bilbo just realized had no idea what they were talking about. Kili made a few gestures with his hands, then pointed to Bilbo with a questionable look.

Fili sighed, "See? I always forget." Then he turned to Kili, and speaking and signing said;

"He is here to help us."

Kili's face melted from confusion to panic.

"No, no its okay. He wont tell anyone. He promises." Fili said, signing with his hands.

Kili shook his head, indicating that he had not understood.

Fili shot Bilbo a look, as if to say see? Look how hard it has become now.

Fili tried again, this time with different signs. "He is here to help."

Kili's brow furrowed, he looked at Bilbo and back at fili and repeated the sign, which Bilbo assumed meant "help."

"Yes." Fili nodded

Bilbo walked over to the desk in the bedroom and started rifling through it. Finally he found some parchment, and a quill and ink jar.

"Alright. Let's get started." he said, handing the parchment over to Fili.

Fili sighed again, but Bilbo could see that this time was a sigh if relief.

"Thank goodness for you, Master Baggins." he said and took the parchment. Bilbo smiled and pulled up a chair. He had a feeling he was going to be here for awhile.


	6. Chapter 6

"What's this one?" Bilbo asked, holding up a half a piece of parchment showing a khuzdule letter, on the back of the card was a picture of what the sign was supposed to look like.

Kili stared at it for a few moments with tired eyes, and then shrugged. "Kili. You must try. We have to learn this." Fili said from behind Bilbo. He had started pacing back and forth after the third or forth shrug from Kili

Bilbo sighed, he could feel himself getting frustrated. Kili just wasnt trying anymore. Fili had been the one to supervise the making of the flashcards, and had been the one to help Bilbo carefully sketch out each of the iglishmek albabet. They had decided to start from the beginning by just teaching Kili the signs for each letter, then aleast he would be able to spell out what he wanted if he didnt know the sign for it.

After their meeting last night, Bilbo had let the brothers sleep. He had returned the next morning after breakfast to get started on their lessons. If the company had noticed their absense at breakfast, they didnt say anything. Thorin was too busy trying to arrange transportation, supplies and weapons for Erebor with the governer of Laketown, Balin and Dwalin to notice the disappearance of his nephews

The lessons had started off okay, Kili looked determined to begin, but after about a half an hour they could all tell he was beginning to tire. Fili wasn't helping much either, his anxiety spreading like a bad smell, intertwining with their minds and disabling production.

Bilbo put down the cards.

"let's take a break." he said

"What? No, we have to learn this!"

"When was the last time you two ate? Or drank? Or slept? I know this is essential but you need to learn how to pace yourselves." Bilbo told him, with a stern eye.  
" I dont know, A few hours ago maybe." Fili said, shrugging.

Bilbo sighed, "Your stubbornness will be your downfall, I swear. We're taking a break. Im hungry." He said, putting down the flashcards, and picking up a quill. He found this was the easiest way to communicate with Kili, even though they both knew that Kili should be practicing iglishmek.

"I am going to go downstairs to get some food. Do you want to come?" he wrote, and then showed it to Kili.

Kili hesitated, but then shook his head. He was still too shy to be with the rest of the company, even though he and Fili spent hours and hours going over to to read lips. He was getting better at it, but only if Fili was present to be a buffer.

Bilbo sighed, he knew Kili should come with him. He needed to be able to be comfrotable with the company, especislly since their goal was to keep this a secret from them.

"You need to get out of this room. Just for a while." Bilbo wrote, and he watched closely as Kili read it.

Kili closed his eyes and swallowed, then he nodded his head and swung his legs over the bed. The wound in his thigh seemed to be healing nicely, if anything else, Fili would have a good future in medicine. Fili reached a hand out to his brother, and they both saw the flinch but didn't say anything. By this point Bilbo knew that some torture had gone on in the elven halls, but he didn't know the whole story. Kili flinching at the slightest unexpected touch was just the tip of the iceberg. He would get over it eventually, Fili said, and Bilbo truly hoped he would.

Kili accepted his brother's hand up, and Bilbo watched as Fili whispered something soft to his brother. Kili closed his eyes, and nodded slightly even though Bilbo knew that he hadnt understood. Kili had lost so much, these past few days but he hadnt lost the love of his brother. Fili stepped back a bit, giving Kili space to limp forward. Bilbo gave him the sign for "okay" and Kili nodded, then repeated it. Then they started their descent down the stairs to the dining room.

Kili stopped short just before entering the hall, the sudden stop almost making Bilbo plow into him. Bilbo and Fili exchanged worried glances, Kili needed to get used to being around the others if he ever wanted to get better. Fili put a reassuring hand on Kili's shoulder, and Bilbo saw him mouth, "everything will be fine". Kili took a deep breathe, and then slowly started walking into the room.

They were greeted warmly by Balin, Thorin and Bofur, who were sitting comfortable at the table drinking ale and eating bread. Thorin smiled when he saw his nephews;

"It is good to see that you have both recovered from the wrath of the elves." he said, pulling out a chair for Fili to sit.

Fili smiled, "it is good to see you too, Uncle. How is the ale here in Laketown?"

"It is fruitier than I would have guessed, but never the less as good I've ever tasted. here." he said, and poured his nephew a cup.

Fili accepted the ale and took a sip.

"Aye, it is quite fruity. I will always prefer the darker ale of our kin."

"That's my lad." Thorin said with a smile, before turning to his youngest.

"Kili, did the elves take your tongue? I don't think I have ever seen you this quiet. How are you fairing?" he said with the kind smile of an uncle who knew nothing of his youngests suffering. Bilbo tensed as Kili stared at his uncle, the too familiar wide eyed look on his face indicating that he had not understood what Thorin had said.

Fili and Bilbo exchanged glances again, should they tell Thorin? Bilbo gave him a slight nod, hiding this would only make it worse in the long run.

"Kili?" Thorin asked, face creasing now with concern.

Kili looked at his brother for support, and Fili sighed.

"Are you alright?" Thorin asked, scooting closer to Kili, who in turn leaned away from his uncle.

"Uncle" Fili started, "Kili has been through a lot. The elves were not as kind to his as they were to you." he explained.

Thorin looked up at Fili, "What did they do?"

"I'm afraid I can't say, he wouldn't tell me no matter how much I pried." Fili answered.

Thorin nodded, and then placed a kind hand on Kili's shoulder.

"Rest, and a warmth hearth is what you need, my lad." Balin chimed in sympathetically.

"I know what it is like to be tortured, you need not say anything right now. Here, have something to eat." Dwalin added , pushing over the plate of bread and motioning with his hand.

Kili nodded, and Bilbo saw the tension lift from the younger dwarves' body. It still troubled Bilbo that Fili had lied to Thorin, but at least he wasn't yelling at them. An angry Thorin was a lot harder to deal with than a worried mother hen Thorin.

Kili looked at from Thorin, to Dwalin, to Bofur, to Fili and then finally to Bilbo, and the hobbit was surprised to see that his eyes were glassy. Kili sniffed and hung is head, hiding his face behind his hair.

"Kili?" Thorin asked, but Kili did not respond.

"We did not sleep well last night." Fili volunteered, trying to cover for his brother.

"Kili?" Thorin asked again, this time holding up his hand to Fili, stopping him from talking. Kili looked up when Thorin touched his shoulder.

"What happened?" Thorin asked concerned flooding his handsome features.

Kili just shrugged.

" I wish you would talk to me, Kili." Thorin asked, and then when Kili didn't answer, he made it a demand.

"Talk to me, say something."

Kili looked at Fili again, but Thorin shook his head.

"Don't look at Fili, look at me. I need to know if you are alright. Please, tell me." Thorin asked again. Balin stood up from the table, and walked over to stand next to Thorin.

"It was wrong for the elves to have hurt him so, we were only supposed to be their prisoners. they werent supposed to hurt us in anyway."

"But they did."

"I know, and when we reclaim Erebor we can send them an official complaint, but until then I suggest that we focus our attention on making sure Kili is well enough to countinue to journey to our homeland." Balin suggested.

"I'll fetch Oin, if needed." Bofur added, standing up. Thorin nodded, "Good man." and then to Kili, "Has Oin seen to you yet?"

Kili shook his head, and Bilbo couldn't tell if he was answering the question or if he hadn't understood what Thorin had said.

"I'm fine." Kili finally murmured quietly, and all of them, including Bilbo could hear the distinctive sound of someone who couldn't hear their own voice.

Thorin stared at his nephew.

"What did you say? Speak to me again, Kili." he demanded, putting his hands on Kili's shoulders. Kili just shook his head.

"Thorin…" Fili warned, but Thorin ignored him.

"Can you hear what I am saying? Can you understand me?" Thorin asked, but Kili just stared blanky at him, and Bilbo could see his eyes welling with tears.

"Fili? Did you know anything about this?" Thorin asked, looking up at the blonde. Fili sighed, what was the point in hiding it now?

"Kili has…has had some trouble hearing." he said quietly.

"Since the elves? Or before?"

"Before…"

"And you didn't tell me?"

"I'm sorry, Uncle. We thought it was for the best—" Fili tried to explain, but Thorin cut him off.

" Why did you keep this a secret from me? Why didn't you tell me right away? I could have helped, if I had know. Fili, you cant keep keeping secrets from me." Thorin scolded.

Thorin sighed, and tried to control his anger.

"Bilbo, Balin, Dwalin, and Bofur. I need to alone time with my nephews." he said with a controlled voice. Balin nodded, and started ushering them out of the room.

Bilbo exchanged one last glance at Fili before the doors shut behind him, and he prayed that Thorin would be a good and forgiving uncle.


	7. Chapter 7

Fili couldn't bare to look his uncle in his eye. He watched fearfully as Thorin ushered the others out, and closed the door behind him. Fili reached out to put a reassuring hand on his brother's shoulder, and winced when he felt Kili shudder under his touch. What were they going to do now? How could Thorin even begin to understand?

Thorin sighed loudly, and then sat back down in his seat on the other side of the table. Fili watched him closely, looking for signs of Thorin's infamous temper that he knew too well. But Thorin didn't look angry, or irritated or even frustrated.

He looked sad.

There was a beat of awkward silence, and then Thorin said, "Fili."

Fili looked up, not daring to look away from his elder.

"Are you frightened of me?" Thorin asked softly.

Fili was taken aback, what did Thorin say?

"I— of course not, Uncle" Fili stuttered

Thorin nodded, he took a couple of breathes and Fili was surprised to see that he was trying to gather composure.

"I am your uncle. I raised you as one of my own. I loved you like-"

"I know-"

"Yet still you constantly feel like you have to keep things from me."

Thorin finished, eyes flashing up.

"I am not your father. I know I'll never replace him, but that doesn't mean that I do not love you and your brother like my own sons. I want you to be able to trust me." He said, and Fili finally met his eye.

Fili just nodded, still unsure of Thorin's current mood.

"Now saying that, I want you to tell me what happened to Kili. From the very beginning. Do not lie to me, and do not leave anything out."

Thorin sighed when Fili hesitated.

"I know it doesn't seem like it, but I want to help. I want to understand why you kept this from me, and I want to help fix it."

Fili nodded again.

During all of this Kili sat silently, not looking either of them in the eye and fingering his mug of ale with his bandaged hands. Thorin then reached across the table and softly put his hand on Kili's forearm, careful of the bandages.

Kili flinched a little, but then looked up at Thorin.

"Everything is going to be okay, I promise." Thorin said with a soft smile.

Kili nods, and Fili couldn't tell if Kili had understood him or not.

"We've been practicing lip reading, after the elves we thought it was a good idea." Fili added quietly.

"Did the elves find out?"

Fili nodded, "One did, but I think he was trying to help."

"Was that before or after he pulled out half of Kili's fingernails?" Thorin sneered, his hatred for the elves showing in his face.

"After. He didn't hurt us."

"Good. There's at least one elf who doesn't have the heart of ice."

Fili nodded, still unsure of his uncle's current mood. Thorin had stepped into his life when he was only a dwarfling; old enough to understand that Thorin was the new head of the household, but young enough to not understand why. His father, who had left them a year after Kili was born was a distant, faded memory in Fili's mind. It had been the winter that they were traveling to Ered Luin, when Fili's father had fallen through some thin ice while hunting. Fili had been there. He had watched his father flail around in the frozen water and had screamed at his Uncle Thorin to do something, do anything to save him. But Thorin didn't. He didn't go out onto the ice, didn't move to get rope, he just stared with a sad look on his face and kept an iron like grip on Fili as he watched his brother in law drown in that frozen lake.

That night they packed up and moved away and in Fili's mind, leaving his father behind.

Then Thorin had stepped in and too over the role as Father. Kili had been too young to understand what was happening, but FIli hadn't. He always felt a bit resentful of Thorin, and was reluctant to accept him. Wasn't he the one that left his father to drown?

It was because of this that Fili had a hard time trusting Thorin and deep down, feared him. He never understood why Thorin had left his father behind, for Thorin had never truly explained it to him. In Fili's mind, Thorin had a tendency to throw things away -whether it was fathers, weapons, or plans- when they didn't work the way he wanted them to. Would Thorin throw away Kili too, when he learned of Kili's ailment?

Fili didnt know, and that's what scared him.

"Fili, can you tell me what happened?" Thorin then asked.

Fili sighed, but one look at those piercing eyes told him that there was no way he was getting out of this. Thorin would make them sit here all day if he had to.

"I found out the Kili was loosing his hearing when we were at Beorn's house. Kili told me that he had hit his head in the goblin tunnels." he finally said, not looking Thorin in the eye.

Thorin nodded, "And it didn't occur to you that we have a trained expert on healing? that one of us could have helped Kili while he still and some of his hearing?"

"He asked me not to tell, I couldnt-"

"What? Couldn't betray your brother's trust? I've seen you tattle on Kili enough to know that that's not an acceptable answer." Thorin snapped.

Fili sighed again, suddenly irritated, "He was afraid that he would be left behind." he snapped back.

Thorin's eyes widened.

"Is that what you really think of your uncle? That I am so cruel, I would leave you behind just like that? That I would cast you aside like a broken axe left to rust on the side of the road? Why wont you trust me?" he asked

Fili glared and the memory of Thorin walking away from that lake so long ago flashed in front of his eyes, "Oh, like you haven't done that before." he snapped.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember? You left my father to DIE!" Fili said, standing up and shouting the last word.

Thorin stood up to meet his nephew, "I did what I had to do. It was too dangerous to go out there, I had no cho—"

"No choice? Ha. There is always a choice. You just stood there as-" Fili growled

"We are not discussing this right now." Thorin cut him off, "Sit back down."

Fili sat, still angry but unwilling to disobey a direct order from Thorin. He cast a look at Kili, who was looking fearfully back and forth from him to Thorin. He looked so scared, and confused.

Thorin continued to glare at Fili for a few more moments and then turned to Kili, tapping on the table to get his attention.

"Kili, your brother was wrong to hide this from me." he started talking slow enough for him to understand, but then Kili shook his head.

"I didn't want anybody to know. It was my fault, not Fili's that you didn't know. I thought it would get better, but it didnt." he whispered softly.

Thorin nodded, "You should have come to be right away."

"I'm sorry."

"Can you hear me now? Anything that I am saying?" Thorin asked, trying to access how damaged his nephew was.

Kili shrugged, "Barely." he said, in the same dry whisper.

"That's still better than nothing. I would like to have Oin check you over, maybe he can do something to get your hearing back." Thorin said, still in the same slow loud voice.

Kili nodded.

Thorin then stood. "I will go find him, wait here."

kili nodded again.

Thorin sighed, and then walked over to the door. He paused before opening it.

"Fili?" he asked

"Yes, Uncle?" Fili answered.

"We are not done talking. I want to have your brother seen to before we head back out into the wilderness."

Fili nodded, and felt the knot in his stomach tighten. What had he done? He suddenly wished he could take all that he said back.

He wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted to hear Kili's voice -the real one, not the thin dry whisper- he wanted Thorin to go back to being oblivious to his pain, but most of all, he wanted to go home.

"Yes Uncle." He murmured, then felt the sudden sting in his eyes and watched silently as Thorin left.

Kili put a hand on his knee, and Fili looked up at his brother. How much had he understood? Kili had only been a baby when their father had drowned.

Fili then realized that Kili didn't need to understand why he was upset, that Kili just found comfort in making his big brother feel better.

Kili took his hand and squeezed it gently.

_Everything is going to be okay, I promise._

Fili squeezed back and gave him a watery smile.

_I know, because you are here with me._


	8. Chapter 8

Fili took a few deep breathes. His hands were still shaking from his confrontation with Thorin. it was hard to tell if things were coming together or unraveling. He watched silently as Oin tended to his brother. Kili shied away from the healer's touch, looking nervous. Fili tapped Kili's shoulder, and winced as Kili flinched. He kept forgetting that his brother didn't like to be touched anymore. They needed to address that sometime tonight, Fili needed to know exactly what the elves did to his brother if he ever wanted to fix this. Kili turned away from Oin and met Fili's eyes, he gave Fili a forced smile.

"Youre going to be okay." Fili said, slow enough so Kili could read his lips. Kili nodded silently. Fili knew that this was hard for him, and he hoped that Kili didn't resent him for pulling Thorin into this. He knew it was the right thing to do, and he regretted not doing it sooner. As much as he hated to admit it, Thorin had been right. Fili had been wrong to keep this from them, he should have gone for help as soon as he knew of Kili's illness.

Thorin watched as Oin looked over his nephew with care. He had never seen the lad so timid, or so quiet. A part of him was still furious with Fili for not telling him sooner, but a greater part was worried about Kili, and whether he was fit to continue the quest or not. Fili was the direct heir to the throne, it was more important for him to see Erebor than for Kili, but Thorin knew that separating them would be harder than pulling both his ears off. He had to trust that Fili knew better for his brother, and if leaving him behind was best for him thats what they would do.

Thorin sighed as another wave of worry hit him; Fili and his father, and that dreaded winters day when Dili had died. He wished he could tell Fili why he had just stood there, why he didn't run to help his brother in law, but he was afraid that the lad wouldn't understand. He had told Dis that he couldn't do anything because the ice was too thin, and if he had gone out to help Dili he would have died as well, but the truth was he has been scared out of his mind. Too scared to move, too scared to speak, too scared to do anything but watch as his friend drowned in the ice. And now he was too scared to admit that he was a coward. Even know, as he watched Oin patch up his youngest nephew, he felt the fear growing in his heart. Kili couldn't hear anymore, what were they going to do? How would Kili hunt? Or fight in battle? He was in danger at any moment and there was nothing Thorin could do to help him. He watched silent as Oin stuck a thin instrument into Kili's ear, and suppressed a laugh as he saw Kili smile, then blush.

Fili chuckled, "Does that tickle?" he asked, signing the words as he said them.

Kili nodded, and his smiled widened.

"You're so silly. Try to keep still." Fili said, again speaking and signing.

"That is a very good technique. Did you come up with that on your own?" Thorin said, trying to break the thick silence that had enveloped him and his nephew.

Fili rolled his eyes slightly, a sign that told Thorin he had not quite forgiven him yet, but then he answered, "No, Bilbo suggested we start speaking and signing. He had a deaf uncle or grandfather or something."

"Thats good….wait, the _hobbit_ knew about this before I did?" Thorin asked, suddenly feeling offended that Fili would go to a stranger instead of the Uncle that had raised him.

"He, unlike you, was able to see that something was wrong and he offered to help. Thats all." fili answered.

"Well I…" Thorin started, but then was cut off by Oin.

"If two would stop bickering for a few seconds, I can tell you my diagnosis." He said with a grumble.

"Sorry Oin." Thorin answered for both of them.

"Most of his hearing is gone, but that doesn't mean it won't come back with time and care. I had a remedy for earaches in my other bag, but it was taken from me when we were imprisoned. But, it was very simple to make, if I can get my hands on the ingredients I can mix it here. I'll have it ready for you by tomorrow." He said.

Fili smiled, "That is excellent news! his hearing may come back! Your hearing will come back, Kili. I can tell. You're so strong. We can do this." he said excitedly, signing what he could and speaking so Kili could understand him.

Kili smiled, and he almost looked like his old self.

"Thank you Oin. If you leave a list with Balin, we can have your supplies by tomorrow morning." Thorin said, patting his old friend on the back.

"Thank you, Thorin." He said, packing up his pack, "Now, let me see that gash on your leg, lad." he said and signed slowly, so Kili would understand.

Kili nodded, and lifted up his pants leg so Oin could examine the wound that the orc arrow had left.

"You tended this very well, Fili. If you weren't the heir to the throne, I would say that you would make an excellent healer." Oin complimented, lifting up the bandages and examining the clean wound.

Fili felt himself blush, he was good at healing. He had to be, he had gathered so many cuts, abrasions and fractured, both accidental and self inflicted over the past years that he had to learn how to clean himself up properly. His father's absence had taught him how to be self functioning, which was both a good and a bad thing. He thought briefly of the cuts on his thighs, and of showing Thorin but then thought better of it. It would probably make Thorin feel even worse that he felt already, and besides, some things were meant to be left unseen.

"Thank you, Oin. I learned from the best." Fili answered with a quick smile.

"Kili is very lucky to have a big brother who is so skilled." Thorin answered. Fili once again felt his temper bubble, if Thorin had paid enough attention to them, then Fili wouldn't have had to care for Kili in the first place. Back by the river, before they had been taken abroad by Bard, Fili had begged, _pleaded_ with Thorin for them to stop and rest because Kili was injured, and Thorin had ignored him. It was typical Thorin behavior; he was so focused on saving his own skin, that he didn't even realize how seriously wounded his youngest nephew was.

Oin handed Fili a tin of salve, "It has healed well on it's own, change the bandages before you go to bed tonight, and once again in the morning. Put this salve on the wound, it should help with the scaring." he told Fili. Fili took the tin with a nod.

"Thanks Oin."

"You are welcome. I have to tend to the others now. I am the company healer, you know." Oin said, packing up his bag.

"You may go." Thorin excused him, Oin gave them each a little bow and them walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Fili looked up at his Uncle. Now that they were totally alone, this was the moment he had been dreading. What would happen now that Thorin knew _everything?_ Thorin turned to them, and gave them a small smile. He held up his hands, and then began speaking, and signing;

"I know my Iglishmek is a little rusty, but I will ask Bofur to help me with the signs I don't know…" he said, struggling through the signs.

"For now, we will speak and sign to each other. Even Kili, that way he won't forget how words are formed." Thorin continued. Fili nodded, at least Thorin wasn't pushing this matter aside, like he did with everything else that appeared broken.

"How does that sound?" Thorin asked, looking at Fili and then at Kili.

Kili smiled shyly, "Sounds good." he said and signed. And Fili saw relief flood his brother's features. Thorin was taking this quite well, and Fili wondered if Thorin was trying to make up for what he did to their father, or if he was being nice because he didn't want them to fight anymore, and cause a scene. A strong part of him guessed the latter, but it didn't matter to Fili anymore. At least Thorin wasn't turning a blind eye to them, like he had done with everything else. Fili's mind immediately went to the cuts and scratches on his thighs that he knew Thorin _knew_ about but never said anything, or tried to help. No, no he wouldn't think about that now. They needed to focus on Kili getting better first, then maybe he would sit down with Thorin and finally talk to his uncle about the things that mattered the most.


	9. Chapter 9

Kili silently stared out the window at the small rooftop garden. He had never seen anything like Laketown before, and it was fascinating to watch the people make their way from place to place in their little boats and canals. It surprised him that a little garden like this one could even grow on a town that was in the middle of a lake, but they made it work. It was a very pretty sight, yet, it made him sad that he could only watch the birds chirping on the window sill, and the merchants shout their freshly caught fish of the day. Even though Oin said his hearing was only partially gone, it still felt like he couldn't hear anything at all today. He found that his hearing still yo-yoed, still went up and down; sometimes he couldn't hear a thing, others times he could hear just enough to get by. Today it was in the middle, he couldn't hear his fingers snapping, or clapping, but if he spoke loud enough he could hear the tiny whisper of his own voice. It was enough to keep his hope from dying completely, but not enough to really be useful. He thought about earlier that afternoon, when Thorin and Fili had been yelling at each other. That had been a rare moment where he could barely hear them, and he had been able to understand what they were saying. He felt bad for Fili, he didn't realize that Fili held so much pent up anger for their uncle. Fili always seemed so grounded, it was hard to watch him unravel like that. Kili was thankful that Thorin had understood, it had been his greatest fear that Thorin would find out and be angry, or worse, leave him behind. It was such a surprise when Thorin started using iglishmek. It made him feel hopeful that they would get through this, and that he would be able to at least see the Lonely Mountain.

Kili then saw a movement out of the corner of his eye, and turned his head to see his brother walking towards him, two cups of steaming tea in his hand. Fili put the mugs down on the table, and then motioned to the chair, asking if he could sit. Kili nodded, and then sat up straighter in his nook.

Fili smiled then spoke and signed, " How are you feeling?"

Kili hesitated before answering, he knew Thorin wanted him to continue speaking, but he also knew his voice sounded different. It made him feel self conscious, even around his brother.

"I am feeling better. How are you? I know this morning was rough for you." Kili answered, speaking out loud and signing the signs he knew.

Fili shrugged, "I'll be fine. Thorin and I have some things to talk about when this is all over, and we have conquered Erebor." he said/signed.

"Im glad you two will finally be able to talk."

"Me too."

"Fili?" Kili asked

"Yes?"

"You know you can always talk to me, right? I may not be able to hear, but that doesn't mean I can't listen." Kili said with a smile.

Fili returned the smile, "And the same goes for you, brother. That's why I came to talk to you, actually. Can you tell me —?" he asked

Kili furrowed his brow, he didn't understand the last part at all.

"I didn't understand the last part. I'm sorry." he asked

"You dont have to apologize, Kili." Fili answered

"Can you tell me what happened with the elves?" he repeated.

Kili then froze and closed his eyes. He had spend a long while trying to rid himself of the terror that he went through when he was under interrogation with the elves, but the terror, and the pain he had felt was still all too real. He still felt panic whenever someone touched him, he felt fear whenever he couldn't understand someone and somewhere deep down inside him he knew it wasn't his fault but he was still scared to even think about what they did to him.

He jumped when he felt Fili's hand on his arm, and he stared into his brother's concerned face.

"Are you alright?" Kili read his lips, understanding them only because he had been asked that same questions a hundred times in the last two days.

Kili started to nodd, but then he remembered Fili's fight with Thorin, and how much pain Fili had been in because he simply didn't tell Thorin he was suffering. Kili stopped, then shook his head slightly from right to left.

"No? Can you tell me?" Fili asked, leaning in closer.

Kili could feel the subtle buzz of anxiety in his chest, caused by his brother's hand on his arm. Why did he feel like this? He knew it was Fili, and he knew his brother would never harm him yet he still felt scared that he was going to get hurt. He winced as the memory of an elf guard twisting his forearm in that very spot, causing pain to shoot up his arm and into his chest.

Kili quickly moved his arm out of Fili's grasp and tucked it under his chest. Immediately he felt his chest loosen, and the anxiety die down. So this was how he could control it, by not letting anyone touch him. Ever. But then he looked at his brother's confused face and felt his heart drop. He would have to explain it to Fili, to make him understand that none of this was his fault. But how could he when he could barely hear his own voice?

Kili sighed, "I'll…I'll try to tell you….but…" he winces as another memory of fear and pain flashes up, this time an angry elf face snarling and backhanding him. Hard.

"It hurts." Kili finished, looking away from his brother's face in shame. He was supposed to be a dwarfish warrior, he was supposed to not let pain get to him, but it was so hard when he was this scared.

Fili nodded he took his hand away and started sighing, "It's alright, you dont have to tell me everything. Just the basics. I can only help you if I know whats wrong." he paused, and then asked, "Does it hurt you when I touch you?"

Kili paused, and tried to form a sentence that would describe how he felt and make sense to his brother. And one that he could form in iglishmek. It was easier said than done.

"Your touch….reminds me of their touch….and it makes me….scared." Kili finally answered, looking up at his brother and hoping that FIli would understand.

Fili just nodded, so Kili continued;

" Not just your touch though, anybody's touch. Like Oin today when he was examining me, it reminded me of them. I couldn't understand what they were saying to me. Their lips moved so fast. And they hurt me. They didn't understand I couldn't hear them, even though I tried….I tried so hard to tell them but they wouldn't listen." He said.

And even though he barely hear his own voice, he felt a little bit better, just because he had told Fili what had happened.

Fili nodded, "You are safe now." he said and signed

"No one is going to hurt you ever again."

Then Fili opened up his arms, and looked at Kili. Kili realized that Fili wanted to give him a hug, but was waiting until he said it was okay before he did. Kili never felt so grateful for his big brother in his entire life. He leaned into Fili's open arms and hugged him tight, breathing in the familiar smell of his brother.

Fili was talking, Kili could feel the vibrations in his chest. But he didn't care what he was brother was saying, all that mattered was they he was there.

Kili pulled back from the hug and put his hand on Fili's collarbone.

"I can feel your voice, when you speak." he said.

Fili smiled, "See? You'll always be able to understand me in one way or another. I am your brother, we're connected deep down in here." he said, putting his hand over Kili's.

Kili smiled back at his big brother. This was the Fili he remembered, the strong one that was always there for him. The emotional, fragile dwarf he had seen earlier when Fili had been arguing with Thorin was almost gone, but not quite. Since he had lost his hearing, Kili had noticed that he was able to pick up on emotions just based on facial expressions. With no sound, face and body movements seemed clearer to him. Like now, even though Fili was smiling at him but Kili could tell that his brother was still not totally okay. The smile didn't reach his eyes, making him look tired and sad.

Kili reached out and touched his brother's cheek.

"Now that we know that I'm going to be alright, please tell me about you. Are you okay?" he asked softly.

Fili's smiled faded, but he just shrugged.

"I'll be fine, little brother. Don't you worry about me." Kili read.

"You can talk to me…."

"I know. I'm sorry, Kili. I just need some time to process this on my own. Don't worry, I know I can come talk to you." Fili answered

"I'll always be here for you." Kili said and signed.

Fili nodded and blinked back glassy eyes.

"I know."


	10. Chapter 10

Legolas mulled over his wine as he sat at the high table and tried to ignore his father's mumblings about escaped prisoners and lack of security.

He couldn't seem to get that dwarf, the one with the scared eyes out of his head. Deep down, he knew he should have helped more. he should have used his elven magic to heal him, but he didn't. Why didn't he? And why was it bothering him so much? It was just a dwarf.

And he had helped some, by reuniting the two brothers together.

But now they were gone.

"Where is Tauriel?" His fathers voice brought him back to the present.

Legolas raised his head, "Hmm?"

"Tauriel. She was supposed to report to me an hour ago. Where is she?" Thranduil asked.

Legolas shrugged, and then stood up.

"I will find her, father." He said

Thranduil nodded, and excused him from the room,

Legolas left quickly, he had an inking as to wear Tauriel was. He headed out back towards the east garden fountains, and as he turned the corridor he saw a Tauriel shaped shadow sitting underneath a tree.

She jumped as he approached her.

"Legolas, you are loosing your touch. I could hear you from miles away." She answered, and then smiled at him. Legolas smiled back and sat down next to her. He saw that she was holding a small dark stone in hands, turning it over in her fingertips.

"Whats that?" he asked

She held it up to him to see; a dark shiny oval rock, with kuzdul ruins engraved on one side.

"One of the dwarves left it in his cell. And for the life of me I cannot stop thinking of him, he looked so lost when I would peer through the bars. There was something about his eyes."

Legolas nodded, "His name is Kili."

Tauriel looked up at him. "You spoke to him? You know him? Tell me, Legolas. Why can I not get this dwarf from my head?"

"He has been troubling me too. See, he was injured on the road. And our fellow guardmens did not treat him well. I tried to help, but he was gone before I could do much."

"My King said they were looking for the lonely mountain, and to slay a dragon." Tauriel said, looking at him.

"Legolas" she continued, "I cannot shake the feeling that I need to help this dwarf."

Legolas nodded, he too had the same feeling. He stood up.

"Come, Tauriel. If the rumors are true, and they have escaped by river they will be in Laketown. We must reach them before the set out on the final leg of their journey."

He offered Tauriel his hand, and she took it with a smile.

Together, they walked out of the woodland realm and on to the river towards Laketown. The early afternoon shown on their backs, and Legolas couldn't help but think they were heading into the unknown. Never before had an elf gone out of his way to help a dwarf, let alone two elves of the same realm. He sent a silent prayer to Vala, asking for the dwarves acceptance and a safe journey, and the quickly followed Tauriel over the rocky footpath towards Laketown.

888

Fili paused before he walked into the dining hall. Thorin was the only one in the room, drinking a mug of steaming tea and going over maps. Fili still didn't know how he felt about his uncle, or if being alone with him was a good idea right now.

They hadn't been alone together since their fight the night before.

"You don't have to linger in the doorway. I just put on a pot to brew, come sit with me, Fili." Thorin's voice made him jump. How had he seem him?

Fili hesitantly stepped into the room, not quite meeting Thorin in the eye as he walked down to where his uncle was sitting. Thorin pulled out an empty chair for him, and motioned for him to sit. Fili sat on the edge of his chair, not knowing how to read Thorin's current mood.

Thorin gave him a small smile as he poured tea in an extra cup, and then handed it to him. When Fili took it, their fingers touched for just a moment and Fili felt himself flinch away from his Uncle. The cup dropped, pouring hot water across the table and onto the floor.

"That's alright. It's just water. Did it burn you?" Thorin asked as he mopped up the water with his cloth napkin, and suddenly Fili realized that Thorin was just as nervous as he was. Never before had they gotten into such a big fight, and never before had such sensitive secrets been spilt. This was new territory for both of them.

Fili shook his head mutely.

Thorin pointed to the maps.

"Balin and I were calculating the miles from the river edge to the mountain overlook. It's less than half a days journey." he said, taping the different points with his fingers.

Fili nodded.

"Ori is writing a supplies list to send to the Mayor. Is there anything you need?"

Fili shook his head again.

Thorin looked up from the map, and stared at his nephew.

" _Fili_. For Aule's sake say something, please." he sighed.

Fili started to shrug, then paused halfway. "Kili's bow was taken when we were in Mirkwood. He'll need another one, and arrows."

Thorin nodded, and wrote it down with his quill.

"Maybe later today we can arrange for you to take him and practice outside. There is a fenced off strip of land—wood behind the house that will give you privacy." Thorin continued.

"It is hard to believe that this town is entirely made of wood, on the lake." Fili said, finally finding his voice. He would have said more, but then he stopped himself. This was _Thorin._ He didn't really care for small talk.

Thorin sighed again, "Fili. I know your hurting, and I know your angry with how things have happened. I would be lying if I told you I had no idea how you felt about me taking your father's place—I didn't know that you remembered—you were so young—" he broke off for a moment, and he looked up at Fili.

Fili kept his eyes cast down, refusing to meet his Uncles. He didn't know if was ready to hear his uncles explanation, he didn't know if he was ready for anything.

Thorin cleared his throat, and paused for a long moment before he spoke in a soft whisper;

"It haunts me to this day, that I couldn't save him. If that brings you any consolation."

Fili nodded again, and realized that this was the closest thing to an apology that he was going to get from Thorin.

The heavy silence was broken by a timid knock. Fili turned around to see Kili standing in the doorway, one had resting on the wall and the other holding an empty mug.

Fili smiled at his brother and motioned for him to come in. Kili came hesitantly, and sat down in the chair that was between FIli and Thorin. He put his mug down on the table.

"My tea was cold, so I thought I would come down to get some more." he said softly, hands awkwardly signing the signs he knew. From the sound of his almost normal sounding voice, FIli could tell his brother was having a good moment, where his hearing was almost back.

Thorin smiled at his other nephew. "You are sounding better, Kili. Did Oin's medicine help?"

Kili started to nod, but then frowned. Fili recognized the expression, it was one that meant Kili hadn't understood the whole question.

Thorin didnt though. _Of course Thorin wouldnt know what that expression means. He's never actually paid attention to anything Kili does. How would he know?_ Fili thought, and suddenly he felt very frustrated with his uncle, and his quick temper.

" Sorry. Can you repeat that, please?" Kili asked shyly.

Thorin nodded, and repeated the questions slower.

"Did Oin's medicine help?"

Kili shook his head again, "Oin's?"

Fili saw a blush start to creep up his brother's face.

This time Thorin couldn't keep the frustration out of his face.

"Med-i-cine. Did it help?" he asked, raising his voice.

Kili flinched, then looked down at the table.

Thorin looked at Fili. "What's wrong with him? He said his hearing was better, why cant he understand me?!"

Fili tried very hard not to glare at his uncle. This irritation was exactly the reason he had fought so hard to keep Kili's ailment a secret. How could Kili learn to adapt if everyone kept getting frustrated with him?

"Try Iglishsmek. You can't just give up if one method doesn't work!" Fili answered hotly, giving Thorin a cold stare.

Thorin sighed. "Fine."

He held up his hands and signed out the spelling for medicine, but Kili wasn't watching him. He was still staring at the table.

Fili gently put his hand on Kili's arm, and winced as Kili flinched away. He pointed to Thorin.

"Watch." he said in Kili's ear.

Kili nodded and looked up at Thorin, who, after a prompt from Fili, repeated the signs for medicine.

"The medicine?" he asked

Thorin nodded, "Yes. Did it help?"

Kili shrugged, "I think so, it's hard to say though. Ive only taken it once this morning." he said softly, voice almost sounding normal.

"That's very good, Kili. Keep taking it." Thorin told him, and smiled.

Kili returned a small smile.

The three of them sat in silence for a moment. Fili knew things still weren't right between him and his uncle. Maybe they never would be.

"Fili?" Thorin asked, and Fili looked up.

"You taught him well." Thorin said, and for once, his eyes were sincere.

Fili nodded.

"Thanks."


	11. Chapter 11

Ori watched Kili through the window of the door for a moment before opened it and stepped outside into the cool morning sunshine. Kili was practicing at the makeshift archery range behind the house by himself, and Ori thought he could use some company.

Equipped with chalk, and a chalkboard (for Ori did not know any inglishmek), Ori approached the range with a shy demeanor. Kili was collecting arrows, but when he turned back around he saw Ori and gave him a small wave. Ori smiled and waved back.

He knew Kili had gone through hell back in Mirkwood, he had heard the tortured screams and cries for his room had not been far from Kili's. It pained the young dwarf to see the prince in such a state of fear, but his respect for Thorin had made him keep his distance. Until now, of course.

Rumors and gossip had spread quickly amongst the small company, and Ori had not been deaf to the whispers of conflict between Thorin and his nephews. He sympathized with them, of course, but he had been too shy to approach them while Thorin had been in their presence. Now that Kili was alone, he felt it was an opportune time to tell him of his support.

Kili approached Ori shyly and gave another small wave. Ori knew the dwarf well enough to know that he still flinched at the slightest touch, so he kept his distance and held up the chalkboard with his pre-written sentence.

_Hi Kili._

Kili smiled at him, then reached and gave Ori a pat on the shoulder. Then he motioned for the chalkboard. Ori gave it to him with a smile.

**_Hi Ori. How have you been?_ **

They then sat down at the foot of the archery range and began exchanging messages in a comfortable silence.

_I've been alright. I think I caught Bilbo's cold though. How are you?_

**_I'm okay, I guess._ **

_Do you want to talk about it?_

Kili looked up at Ori and shrugged, and Ori knew that it was still painful for the older dwarf to think about the things that have happened. Kili tapped the chalk to his chin, thinking for a moment and then he started to write;

**_I'm worried about Fili. He's been so distant lately. I think something's going on between him and Thorin, but I haven't been able to understand them._ **

_I have noticed that too. Don't fret too much, Kili. They are working things out, I promise._

**_I can't wait for this to be over. I miss home so much._ **

_Me too. Soon we will have a new home though, even grander than Ered Luin._

**_Do you think we'll reach the mountain before Durin's Day?_ **

_I have no doubt about it._

Just then, Ori heard footsteps and turned around to see both Thorin and Dwalin walking towards them. Ori quickly pointed at them, and Kili turned around to see what he was looking at.

Ori felt a pang of fear strike through his heart. He had always been slightly nervous around Thorin, and now he wouldn't want him to think he was bothering Kili.

"Ori, it's good to see you out and about. Are you feeling better lad?" Dwalin asked

Ori nodded, "Yes sir. I was just keeping Kili company, but if you'd like me to go…"

"It's alright, Ori." Thorin said, and Ori saw that Thorin was speaking and signing with his hands.

"We have come to tell you that Balin and I have decided to leave for the mountain tomorrow morning. Im sure you'd want to pack up your things before tonight's festivities?" he said

Ori nodded, and taking it as his cue to leave, he stood up, waved bye to Kili and headed back up to the house.

888

Thorin stared at his nephew. After quite a lot of discussion with Balin, he had decided that it was in Kili's best interest for him to stay here in Laketown until he was fully healed. This was going to be hard news to break, especially since both of their iglishmek was limited.

Thorin sat down next to his nephew, Dwalin stayed standing, keeping guard to those who might overhear their conversation.

"Practicing?" Thorin asked, singing out the word in iglishmek and then pointing to the practice board.

Kili nodded.

"Yes Uncle." He said, and Thorin tried not to flinch at how different Kili's voice sounded.

"Good. Good."

His eyes laid on the chalkboard that Ori had left behind, and his fingers traced over the last of their written conversation. Kili's eyes flashed up at him, and Thorin winced at the slight fear in his nephews eyes.

"Ori doesn't know iglishmek." He said softly.

"That's alright." Thorin answered, trying to sound reassuring. He was actually glad that there was a chalkboard there, it might come in handy later in their conversation.

"The company is leaving for the Mountain tomorrow." Thorin said slowly, locking eyes with Kili.

Kili nodded.

"But, you are to stay here with Oin."

"What?"

"You are to stay here." Thorin repeated.

Kili's eyes widened, and Thorin could tell he was slightly upset about this decision.

"I can fight. I can help. Please, don't leave me here." He pleaded, looking up at Thorin.

Thorin shook his head. "I know you can, but you need to heal. When the dragon in conquered we will send for you. I promise."

Kili shook his head, indicating that he hadn't understood anything that Thorin had said.

Thorin sighed, this was going to take some getting used to. He reached for the board, and winced when he saw Kili flinch away from his hand.

"It's alright. I'm going to write it down. Okay?" he said slowly, pointing with the chalk to the board.

Kili nodded slowly.

Thorin wrote;

**_When the dragon is conquered, we will send for you. I promise._ **

He showed it to Kili, who read it and nodded slightly.

"Understand?" Thorin asked

Kili nodded mutely, and Thorin could tell the lad was disappointed in this decision. He wished it could be another way, he hated seeing Kili like this, but it couldn't. it was too dangerous for Kili to come with them.

"Is Fili going?" Kili asked after a few beats of silence.

Thorin nodded, "Yes."

Thorin was still waiting for the lad to come to him. The fight they had was still too fresh in his mind. Maybe fighting a dragon would knock some sense into him? Thorin didn't know, he could only hope that Fili was sensible enough to forgive him.

"He won't go. Not with out me." Kili said, a sudden boldness in his new voice.

"We'll see, Kili. We'll see." Thorin answered. Suddenly feeling like he shouldn't be there, he stood up and patted Kili on the shoulder. He felt the flinch, but chose to ignore it.

"Come inside when you are done. There is a feast tonight." He said, and then turned away before he could tell if Kili had understood him or not.

It was too much for him, with one lad so broken and the other..well….whatever Fili was right now. He had to get away from it, atleast for a little while.

"Come Dwalin, let's go find us some ale." He said gruffly, and then turned away from his nephew and walked back into the house.


	12. Chapter 12

The festivities that night were grand, the mayor of Laketown had spared no expense on the dwarves that were sure to bring him many riches once the dragon was slain. The feast itself was a delight, a ravishing spread of the most expensive meats, breads, fruits and ales that Laketown could offer.

Fili sighed slightly and once again glanced at the empty doorway that led up to the dwarve's lodgings. Kili had said he would be down for the party, he just needed a few minutes to collect himself. That had been almost an hour ago. Fili knew he should let his brother come down on his own, but part of him longed to run up the stairs and sit with him until the party was over.

Earlier today they had made some good progress, but Kili was still shy around everybody except him, and Bilbo. Fili couldn't help but feel some gratitude towards the hobbit, he may whine a lot but, he really did care for the wellbeing of Kili.

The other members of the company had been compassionate towards Kili aswell. Earlier, Ori had stopped by their room and played cards with them. He had a terrible poker face, but Fili had appreciated the effort.

"How's the lad fairin'?" a voice asked, making Fili jump. He turned around to see Bofur, standing next to him, drink and hat in hand.

"Kili's alright. He gets better everyday." Fili answered.

Bofur nodded, "By the time we reach the mountain he will be as good as new, and once again the line of Durin will stand strong."

"He wishes he could be with us when we conquer the dragon." Fili said

"Aye. Us too. The journey will not be the same without Kili's mischief-making." Bofur said, his eyes crinkling with a kind smile.

He reached and patted Fili on the back "Try not to be so hard on your Uncle, he's only doing what he thinks is best."

Bofur's ears perked as he heard his name being called, "Sorry lad, got to go! My name's next in the poker bet!" he then turned and stumbled back into the crowd.

Fili frowned, "If only it were that easy." He mumbled under his breath. Since their last confrontation, Fili had tried as hard as he could to avoid Thorin. It seemed that every time they spoke, they ended up fighting. It was draining for both parties.

Fili was still too scared to let his uncle in, and even though he desperately wanted to be on good terms with Thorin there were some unresolved issues that wouldn't let him be okay. It was infuriating as it was upsetting.

"Fili."

The second voice of the night that made him jump Fili turned around and saw Thorin standing there, a drink in his hand.

"I think it's time we talked, Fili. Can we go somewhere private?" Thorin asked, Fili paused, why would Thorin stop his celebrating to talk to _him?_

"Can this wait until morning?" Fili asked

Thorin shook his head, and then swayed on his feet slightly.

Fili stared, was Thorin _drunk?_

"I don't think this…"

Thorin glared, "Now. Fili." And he pointed towards an empty set up rooms.

Reluctantly, Fili stood and followed his uncle towards them. Once they were inside, Thorin shut the door, and then turned to Fili.

"I want to talk to you about Kili." Thorin said, and Fili tried not to role his eyes. Not this again.

"What about him?"

"Do you understand why I am asking him to stay behind?" Thorin asked.

"Because you don't want him to slow you down, because he is a burden to this quest, because he's not your perfect-"

"Because" Thorin interrupted, "Because he is injured, and I want him to get better. That's all, Fili. Why don't you understand that?"

"That's what you say, but you don't mean it. All you care about is Erebor, and this stupid quest." Fili shot back, feeling his temper flare up.

"NO. No. Would you just listen to me, Fili?" Thorin asked, eyes pleading.

"Fine."

"I know you are upset with me, and I know we have a lot of things to talk about when this quest is over, but I want you to understand that I do care about you, and your brother. Why you feel like you have to hide things from me, I can't understand. All these years, I have been there for you, supported you when no one else would. Why else do you think your mother never noticed those scars on your legs?"

Fili's eyes flashed up.

"You…..you knew?"

"Yes. And I hoped beyond hope that you would trust me enough to come to me, but I guess I was wrong."

"Who else knows? Not Kili….?"

Thorin shook his head, "Only me. And Dwalin."

"Why didn't you say anything? Or were you too ashamed that your perfect little heir was tarnished to ever say anything?"

"Fili. Stop it. Just listen to me. I know I have made mistakes, but I am coming to you now to try and fix them! What happened to Kili made me realize that I have been blind to your pain for too long. Please, let me in. Please let me help you."

Fili felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment, and shame. Thorin knew. He knew this whole time and he never said a word about it. _Why?_ Why would he do this? And why should he trust his uncle now, with everything that has happened?

"I am sorry about your father, Fili. You don't know how much it pains me everyday that I couldn't save him." Thorin said softly, and Fili finally looked up at him.

"I don't understand, why-"

"Then let me try to explain. Please, Fili. Just listen to me. The ice was too thin, if I had gone out there I would have died too."

"Then you should have died! You should have died trying to be a hero!" Fili shot back.

"Then who would have taken care of you, and your brother? You wouldn't have been able to survive one day without someone to take care of you."

"I could have, if you'd just let me try." Fili answered "It's your fault. Don't you understand? If you hadn't-"

"Stop Fili!" Thorin tried, but Fili continued, speaking over him.

"You let him die! You have been holding me back all this time. It's all your fault!"

Thorin's temper flared, he took two big steps towards Fili, slamming him against the wall.

His eyes flashed dangerously, "Don't you dare accuse me of your failures."

Fili glared at him, his eyes bright with tears and fire. He tried to break out of Thorin's grasp but Thorin clutched his shoulders tightly.

"Stop. Just stop, Fili. Is it my fault your legs are littered with scars? My fault the only person you can trust is Kili? My fault that the only thing you've achieved these past 30 years is the fact that you can barely hold a sword? NO. The only person you have to blame is yourself. I am tired of you stomping around like the whole world is at fault."

He stared at Fili for a hard five seconds, then gave him another shove and turned away towards the door.

"I _hate_ you." Fili sneered, voice laced with ice and angry.

Thorin acted in one quick motion, he turned back around and backhanded Fili, hard.

"Don't bother coming with us tomorrow. Stay here with your brother. Join us when you've grown up." Thorin hissed, and then he left, slamming the door behind him.


	13. Chapter 13

Even Kili heard the loud bang of the door and thumping footsteps of Thorin. He looked up from his book and saw a glimpse of the retreating Thorin striding down the hallway through the cracked open door.

He looked to Bilbo, who gave him a shrug.

"What do you think that was about?" Bilbo asked, signing what he could with his hands and saying the rest.

Kili shrugged, then reached for the chalkboard and wrote:

"If you haven't noticed, Thorin's got a bit of a temper. Probably something at the party set him off."

Bilbo read and it and nodded.

"Should we go see if everything is okay?" he asked.

Kili shrugged, then erased his first message and wrote down a second;

" I told Fili I would meet him there, it's about time that I do. "

"You feeling up for it?"

Kili nodded, his hearing wasn't too bad today and it was all for the better if Thorin wasn't downstairs.

"I'll be fine." He said outloud, wincing at his strange new voice.

Bilbo smiled, "There's the Kili I thought I knew. Go on down there, I'll meet you as soon as I have changed."

Kili nodded, and then headed towards the door. Since his hearing was better, he felt a little more confident than before. And he was hungry…

He walked down the small hallway, and entered the large dining hall. The party was in full swing, and for a moment he stood in the doorway and watched as Bofur tried to get Bombor to eat a full apple pie. When Bofur saw Kili, their eyes met and he waved him inside with a smile.

Confidently, Kili walked to the table, smiling at the others and then grabbed himself a plate. For the first time in a very long time, he felt that he was at peace with himself, and felt that the group accepted him.

Even though he was not continuing with them to Erebor.

He had been upset at first, but now he was glad he was not going to face the dragon with his comrades. Like Thorin said, he would see the when he was 100% better.

He met eyes with Ori, and motioned towards the chair next to him, asking if he could sit down. Ori nodded, and pulled it out for him.

"Hi." Kili said shyly.

"Hello Kili. How are you doing?" Ori asked

Kili shrugged, "I'm alright. How's the party?"

Ori paused, then said "It was fun until Thorin and Fili _ into_stormed out."

Kili frowned, and felt himself blushing. Why was it so hard to understand some people?"

"Sorry. Could you repeat that one more time?" Kili asked, tapping his ears.

"Oh. Sure. The party was fun, until Thorin and Fili got into a fight and Thorin stormed out."

"What? Fili and Thorin got into a fight?" Kili confirmed.

Ori nodded, "It was a nasty one. Thorin went back upstairs, but I'm not sure where Fili went."

"You havnt seen him?"

Ori shook his head, "not since they both went into that room there." He pointed to one of the side rooms.

Kili nodded, " What were they fighting about?"

"Oh, this and that. Fili doesn't like that way Thorin is treating you, with your hearing gone and all that. But I think it's something deeper, they kept mentioning your father's death and how it was Thorin's fault."

"My father's death? What?" Kili asked

Ori's eyes widened, "Oh ummm…" he stuttered

"Ori, my father left my mother a year before I was born. He didn't die, he left us." Kili told him.

Ori just shook his head.

Kili sighed, "Thanks, Ori. I'll go see if Fili's still there."

Ori nodded, "Good luck, Kili." He said.

Kili stood up and walked towards the room Ori pointed to. He knocked softly before he entered.

Inside, the room had darkened with the evening light. Kili reached up and turned on the gas-powered lamp, then slowly looked around the room. He found Fili sitting on the floor, back against the wall, head resting on his knees. In the darkening light, he looked like a mere shadow against the wooden panels.

"Fili?" he asked gently, kneeling down beside his brother and resting a hand on his knee.

Fili moved his head slightly, but remained silent.

"Are you alright, brother?" Kili asked. "Tell me what happened, Ori said you and Thorin fought."

Fili shrugged his shoulders, and Kili noticed that his hair clip had fallen out, letting his wild curly blonde hair fall over his face. He moved his head and Kili saw that his eyes were glassy.

"Fili? Talk to me. What happened?" Kili asked again.

Fili's face crumbled, and he grabbed Kili's hand, squeezing it tight. Kili could tell he was talking, he could feel the vibrations but he had no idea what his brother was saying.

"Whoa, whoa slow down. Fili, look at me." Kili said, cupping his brother's chin in his hand and bringing Fili's eyes to meet his. Kili moved some hair out of his face and gasped at what he saw; a dark bruise across Fili's cheekbone, still red and swollen. Fili pulled his chin out of Kili's grasped and looked away from him.

"What happened? Did Thorin do this?" Kili asked, not caring how his voice sounded. When Fili didn't answer, Kili asked again, "Fili. Did Thorin hit you?"

Fili sighed, and then nodded.

"It was my fault. I angered him_ upset_fought_left….." FIli was babbling, and Kili was completely lost.

"Fili, Fili it's okay. I'm here. You're safe now, please don't worry. It's all going to work out." Kili said, trying to be a comfort as he watched his brother crumple and dissolve. He grabbed his brother's wrists and squeezed them tight.

"You're okay. Can you tell me what happened?"

Fili looked up at him with swollen, red eyes. "He struck me. Never, ever before has he done that. He told me I wasn't to come with the company to Erebor. What have I done, Kili? I wish we never set out on this quest."

Kili stared at his brother, his strong, perfect, tough brother as he cried into his knees. Kili found he had no idea what to do or say next. Thorin had always been a father figure to him, and yes he could be scary at some times when his temper flared, but never before had he seemed like a threat to the very way Kili lived.

"Thorin hit you. Why?" Kili finally asked, resting a hand on Fili's shoulder.

Fili shrugged and said something Kili didn't understand.

"Sorry, what did you say?" he asked

Fili looked up at him, "Sorry Kili, I forgot. Can you understand me now? How's your hearing today?"

"It is fine, brother. I am getting much better at reading lips."

Fili gave him a watery smile, "That's good."

Then his face fell, and he pushed himself upright. "I have to go. I can't stay here any longer_not want_can't_go."

Kili was barely able to grasp a few words at a time as Fili stood up and straightened his coat.

"Wait. Wait. Fili, what's going on?" Kili asked, starting to panic just a little bit.

Fili turned and looked at him. "Thorin doesn't want me to come with the company to Erebor. He never wanted me to come. I have to get out of here."

He took a few steps towards the door, Kili followed after him.

"Wait. Wait, Fili. Stop. Tell me whats wrong." Kili said, reaching towards his brother.

Fili turned around, and Kili saw that his eyes were bright and glassy.

"I'm sorry Kili, but I can't stay here."

Fili hesitated, looking up at Kili.

"Goodbye."

Then in one swift motion Fili bolted out the door, slamming it hard behind him.

"FILI! Fili wait!" Kili shouted, running after his brother. But when he reached the door, it refused to open. Fili had locked it from the outside.

"FILI! Open this door right now!" Kili shouted, fighting panic as he jiggled the door knob. He banged on the door, suddenly feeling very isolated and alone. What if no one could hear him? The party was still in full swing in the main dining room.

"Help! Someone help! Open the door!" He shouted, banging with his fist.

"Open the-" the door opened, and a very bemused Balin looked in on him.

"Kili, getting into trouble again?" he asked with a kind smile.

"Balin. Fili disappeared! He was here, then he locked me in. I think he's trying to run, you have to help!" Kili babbled, but Balin shook his head.

"Slow down, Kili. I can barely understand you. What happened?" he asked, speaking and signing slowly so Kili could understand him.

"I think Fili's trying to run." Kili said, after a moment of catching his breath.

Balin nodded.

"I saw Fili run upstairs, if we are quick we can still catch him." He said and signed. Then he stood up and motioned for Kili to follow.

When they reached the room, Kili knew that they were too late.

Fili was gone.


	14. Chapter 14

Kili fought down panic as he looked around the empty room. Fili was gone. Fili, his brother, his friend, his only hope was _gone._ How did it come to this? Why was everything crumbling apart? He suppressed a sob as he sank down into the chair near the window. Balin was talking at him, but he couldn't understand what he was saying. His eyes then lit on a folded piece of paper that had his name hastily written on it. He reached for it, and opened it up.

It was a letter from Fili.

Hands shaking, Kili read the brief letter quickly;

_Dear Kili,_

_I am so sorry I have to leave, but this is the only way. Ask Balin to tell you the truth about our father, and maybe then you will understand my departure. I wish you the best, and pray that Oin will find a cure to your deafness. I will never forget you, brother._

_Please do not come after me, I no longer belong in a place that's full of lies._

_Farewell,_

_Fili_

Kili read over the letter several more times, and then he looked up at Balin, who was still pacing the room and talking. Balin paused and looked up at Kili.

"A letter?" he asked

Kili nodded.

"May I read it?"

Kili nodded again, and watched as Balin paled.

"What happened to my father, Balin. And please, do not lie to me." Kili asked hesitantly, wanting to know the truth but at the same time dreading it.

"I knew this day would come. I've been dreading it for years. You were too young to remember, and we hoped that Fili was too. Apparently not though." He signed and spoke with ease now, and Kili felt relieved that he could actually understand him.

"Why would Fili bring this us now?" Kili asked

Balin shrugged, "I think this incident pushed him over though. He's always harbored a little resent for Thorin, because of what happened to Dili…."

"What happened to Dili, what are you talking about?" Kili asked again.

Balin closed his eyes, and then opened them again. Kili couldn't help but notice that he looked incredibly sad.

"You were a wee babe at the time. We were crossing over the mountains to Ered Luin in the dead of winter. Dili—your father went hunting, and he slipped on some thin ice. He was in the lake before we could do anything, and the ice was too thin to reach him. In Fili's mind, Thorin watched your father drown without doing anything, not understanding that we _couldn't_ do anything to help him. Your brother has never forgiven Thorin for that."

Balin spoke slowly and calmly so Kili could understand every world. Kili stared at him in disbelief.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why was I told that my father left us before I was born?" he asked shakily.

"That was Thorin's idea. He was trying to protect you, he didn't want what happened to Fili to happen to you too. He couldn't stand having two nephews that hated him. So he kept it a secret." Balin answered, looking up at Kili and bracing for a reaction.

Kili stared at Balin, trying to process what he had just told him. His father, Dili had died? His father was dead? Kili shuttered slightly, growing up he used to fantasize that his father would come and whisk him away from the Blue Mountains and take him on an adventure and now that dream was shattered.

"Kili, lad? Are you alright?" Balin asked

Kili nodded numbly, it all made sense now. The way Fili had acted when he found out that Kili had lost his hearing, the way Fili seemed to always hide things from his uncle. Was it because FIli never really trusted Thorin? Because to him, Thorin had abandoned their father to die?

"Kili?" Balin asked again.

Kili looked up, "I'm alright. I think. Balin, what should we do?"

Balin looked down at the note, "We must tell Thorin. There's no way around it. Maybe if we're lucky, we can get a search party out before we leave for the mountain."

Kili nodded, he liked this plan. Find Thorin, send out a search party, find Fili and then go home.

"Okay. Let's go!"

“I’ll notify Thorin, maybe sober him up and a bit first. And Dwalin, he would know what to do. If he truly is leaving, he will need to gather things—food, maps, travel gear—he still may be in Laketown. You can start by searching the places he would go first. Try the boat house, storage closets. Anywhere he would look for supplies.” Balin said, signing and speaking to Kili.

Kili nodded. His panic seemed to have enhanced his hearing. He knew he had to find his brother. At this point he didn’t care about Erebor, or the fact that Thorin was planning on leaving them behind in the morning. He needed to be with his brother, that’s what was most important.

Balin rushed out of the room as fast as his boots would carry him to go gather Dwalin and Thorin to start a search party.

Kili grabbed a lantern, lit it hastily in the fire and then set off towards the boathouses. Fili would need one to reach the mainland. Kili raced through Laketown, jumping over the small canals, and sleeping people on the street. He remembered coming in this way, that the boats were to the left of the town square. Running as fast as his legs would take him, Kili rushed towards the boathouses, not caring that he had a stitch in his side or that his chest felt like it was about to burst.

When he reached the boat house, he thrust open the door and ran inside shouting, “Fili!! Fili!!” at the top of his lungs. He frantically looked around, and then he saw a gleam of golden hair bent over a boat. It was his brother, it was Fii!

“Fili! Fili!” Kili called, rushing over to him.

Fili looked up sharply, startled by all the noise his brother was making.

“Kili? What are you doing here?” he asked, in the low lantern light, Kili could see the darkening bruise of Thorin’s hand on Fili’s face, and the fear in his eyes.

“I got your letter. Everyone is looking for you. Please don’t leave.” Kili said, taking another cautious step towards Fili. In turn, Fili took another step backwards, away from him.

He shook his head, “You don’t understand. I have to go. I can’t stay here any longer.” He whispered. One foot was in the boat, but the other was still on the dock.

“Fili….please?” Kili asked, as he took another step towards his brother.

Fili mutely shook his head, eyes turning glassy as he stared at his brother.

“Thorin doesn’t need me anymore. Nobody does. I’m nothing but a failure. I have to go away, go---.”

“I need you.” Kili whispered, looking up at him.

Fili stared at him. The tears gathering in his eyes fell down on his cheeks, and onto the wooden boat.

Kili took one more step towards him, then another and another until he was within arms reach of his brother.

“I need you, Fee. I need you because in a world of sounds and shadows, you are my glowing light. Please, please don’t leave.” Kili pleaded. He extended his hand out towards Fili. After a few moments, Fili took it and allowed Kili to pull him out of the boat and back onto the dock.

“Come on, let’s get to bed. It will be better in the morning. I promise.” Kili said, and then, still holding his hand, he led Fili silently through Laketown and back to the mansion. Fili hesitated a little before stepping inside, and Kili felt his hands shaking.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to see anyone tonight. I’ll tell them I found you, and that you are sleeping. It will be okay.” Kili told him, squeezing his hand tight. Kili lead him quietly into the mansions, up the stairs and to their room. The fire had gone out, but the moon shining through the windows cast a bright enough glow for them to see by. Fili looked pale in the moonlight, his eyes large and grey glistened with un-fallen tears. Kili sat his brother down on the bed, and then took a washrag and dipped it in a bowl of clean water. He gently washed the sweat, dirt and tears from his brother’s face. Fili was silent, only wincing slightly when the rag brushed over the bruise on his cheek.

“Lay down, brother. Get some rest now.” Kili told him.

Fili laid down on the bed and let Kili tuck him in. He watch his brother fall asleep and then sighed in relief. Fili was back with them, and soon everything would be okay.


	15. Chapter 15

Fili watched silently through the window as Thorin and the company floated down the main canal in a boat. Thorin had declared that morning that it wasn’t safe for the heirs of Durin to accompany them to the mountain, that they would be summoned once the dragon had been dealt with. The master of Laketown was kind enough to let them stay in the mansion until they were called for. Kili had accepted this, and he actually seemed relieved not to be going—a dramatic change from before, where he would have hated missing out on something like killing a dragon. To both of their surpise, Ori had also offered to stay behind witth them. Fili was grateful that the youngest of the company decided to stay, Ori was the one dwarf who always accepted them for who they were. Ori seemed more worried about Kili than anything else, and had sat with him for half the morning, drabbling on about the story he was writing.

Fili watched the boats go with hot anger in his heart. Thorin was doing this to punish him for his failures, he was sure of it. None of this was fair. He and Kili should be with them! That’s how it was planned, that’s how it was supposed to go. But now Fili and ruined it all, again. He had disappointed his brother, and his Uncle, and now everyone hated him. The world was crumbling around him and he had no idea how to stop it. Suddenly Fili felt the rage built up inside of him, he grabbed his breakfast plate and flung it across the wall. It shattered with a satisfying crash. None of this was fair, none of this was supposed to happen. He picked up his mug and threw it too, then the saucer, and the teapot before flipping the whole table over. He bent down and picked up a large piece of broken plate and flung it again.

He remembered the snow, and his father showing him eagles in the sky, he remembered asking his father if he could take him ice skating. Thorin had said no with a huff—warriors don’t ice skate—but Dili had been delighted. He had golden hair and blue eyes, just like Fili. Kili had inherited the Durin dark hair and brown eyes of both Dis and Thorin. Dis always said that Fili took after his father. Thorin had never approved of him, Dili was of common folk and had married into the Durin line out of love. Fili saw in his mind’s eye his Da walking out onto the ice, taking big dramatic steps to make him laugh and then with a heart wrenching crack he disappeared into the black water underneath.

And Thorin did nothing to stop it.

He threw the dish, and it broke into shards as it hit the wall. Fili flung himself around, looking for more things to break. He picked up the flower vase on the windowsill and threw it was all his strength. It shattered into pieces above the bed, spewing flowers and water everywhere.

Thorin _hated_ Dili. He knew he did. Whenever Fili would ask about his father, Thorin would roll his eyes and tell him his father didn’t matter. Fili never had a father to look up to, besides Thorin who he always detested because of the ice incident that killed his father. Thorin had always liked Kili better anyway. While Kili had inherited Thorin’s knack for weapons, Fili had his father’s knack for books and numbers. He had always been good with math. He remembered one time Dis and Thorin were trying to calculate an accounting payment for the show, and Fili had been coloring, but listening in on the conversation at the same time. Their problem was easy, he could calculate the answer in his head. He said it outloud and they both stopped and stared at him. His mother bemed but Thorin had walked away, annoyed that he had been outsmarted by a ten year old. Fili was always given the impression that being good at fighting, swords, knives even archery was better—more honorable—than being good with words and numbers. While Kili thrived in combat training, he struggled with his studies. He always said that some letters and numbers were backwards but nobody knew how to fix that so it was ignored, cast aside like all the other imperfections, like Fili cutting on himself, like Dis’s immobilizing depression when Dili died, and like Kili’s loss of hearing. It was all just ignored. And for the sake of what? Gold? Conquering a mountain? Slaying a dragon?

 

He grabbed the jam jar, the sugar bowl from the other table and threw them both, and then swore loudly as he stepped on broken glass. He tripped over the hem of his pants and fell to the ground, wincing as more glass sunk into his leg.

It was in this state—on the floor, bleeding, surrounded by broken cups and plates—did Kili find him. Kili had been downstairs in one of the bathrooms, applying Oin’s ointment in his ears when he heard the loud bangs from upstairs. He didn’t know if it was working yet, it was too soon to tell. He was glad that it smelled good, some of Oin’s other oinments smelled like donkey piss but atleast they worked. His hearing was on the better side today, so maybe the ointment was working, or maybe he was just having a good day. It was still hard for Kili to tell, his hearing was still yo-yoing. He winced as he heard another yelp, and then a loud bang. What was Fili doing up there? From the sounds of it, nothing good. Kili was worried about his brother, more worried than he had ever been in his entire life. Fili had always been his big brother, someone whom he could look up to and be proud of. But now, everything was unraveling. Fili was always the calm one, always the one with the answer to a problem. Flashes from the night before popped up in Kili’s mind’s eye—Fili sitting on the ground with his head in his hands, Fili running away from him, Fili’s hands shaking as he flinched away from his touch—none of it made sense, none of it was the true to Fili’s character. Kili knew Fili battled some demons, he had seen the remnants of these battles etched out on his brother’s legs and arms but he always thought that when Fili was ready he would come to him and tell him why he fought so hard to be happy.

Kili knelt down next to his brother, rag in hand.

“It’s okay, Fili.” He said quietly, and then he reached for Fili’s tattered pants, and was about to pull them up to clean up the blood but then, Fili’s breath hitched, and he quickly tried to cover the scars but Kili’s hand stopped him.

“It’s okay. I know about them.”

“You knew? You know?” Fili asked

Kili nodded.

Fili’s face filled with panic, and he attempted to pull his hands free but Kili stopped him.

“No, no its\’s okay, Fee. Please don’t be scared. It’s okay---.”

“How long?” Fili asked

Kili sighed, when had he found out? It seemed like he always knew, and had dutifully kept it a secret from prying eyes.

“You’re my brother. How could I not know?” he said

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Fili asked

“I always assumed that you would tell me when you were ready.”

“I didn’t want to burden you with my problems.”

“Oh Fili. You know you can tell me anything. And unlike our dear Uncle, I will never cast you aside for not being perfect. You know that.” Kili answered, reaching up and tucking a strand of blonde hair behind Fili’s ear.

“You do have the right to be happy. I want you to be happy.” Kili said.

Fili nodded his head.

“After the battle for the mountain is over, and Thorin has been crowned King Under the Mountain we will talk with him about this. I promise.” Kili said

Fili nodded again.

“We will fix this.”

Fili nodded his head.

“Thorin was wrong to lie to me about our father, and to treat you like he did. He had no right to lie to us or favor one over the other. We will talk to him, he will change his ways.” Kili said.

Fili looked up him, about to say something when BANG! A tall figure dressed in green burst through the glass window. Kili looked up at the figure, at the long blonde hair, blue eyes and pointy ears; it was the elf that had helped them when they were prisoned in the woodland realm.

The elf said something, but it was so fast that Kili didn’t catch a word of it. There was another flash of green and another elf showed up, his or her---Kili couldn’t tell---looked just like the first one except it’s hair was an auburn red. Fili scambled up from the floor and stood infront of Kili, scars and cuts forgotten.

They spoke back and forth. Kili tried to follow but he felt lost. He had no idea what they were saying to Fili. It was all happening too fast for Kili to understand, even though his hearing was a little better than yesterdatday, it ws still impossible for him to understand that fast spoken words of the elves.

Fili turned to him, and touched his lips, then he slowly said, “We have to go. Thorin had awakened the dragon. It is coming our way. We need to escape before it gets here.”

Kili nodded, he was getting better at reading lips.

“I’ll go grab my things.” He said, standing up.

“Hurry!”

That was the last word Kili heard from his brother before the building was caught in an inferno of fire.

888

**Author's Note:**

> More will be up soon! This is also on ff.net


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